Bitcoin’s Bull Run: A Slow Cooker, Not a Microwave 🐢💸

On Nov 29, analyst Axel Adler Jr. casually dropped a truth bomb on X: Bitcoin might be entering a “prolonged correction” zone. Because nothing says “confidence” like a 200-300 day wait for the next bull run. Who needs excitement when you can have anticipation? 🤷♂️

Ethereum’s $3,100 Rally Crashes… Again! 🚀💸

Crypto analyst Ali recently pointed to exhaustion signals forming on Ethereum’s 1-hour perpetual futures chart on Binance. “The TD Sequential indicator is flashing a sell signal after Ethereum’s recent rally,” Ali noted, referring to the trend-exhaustion model developed by Tom DeMark, which is widely used to identify potential short-term reversals. 🤯 Clearly, the market is now as reliable as a toaster in a hurricane.

When Binance and Chainalysis Have a Big Eggo-Venue

For my latest diary entry – and don’t worry, no secrets here, just a tale of two companies – it’s about Binance’s bold claim that illicit exchanges are almost as boring as watching paint dry. Chainalysis, having lent Binance their data, says hold on a minute, let’s include the full spectrum.

💰 HYPE Tokens Unlocked: A $60M Dance of Digital Delusion

The Hyperliquid cabal, with the solemnity of a butler announcing dinner, confirmed the Saturday unlock. These tokens, now frolicking in the wild at $60.4 million (give or take a yacht), were earmarked for developers-those tireless architects of digital castles in the air. The unlock, we’re assured, was preordained, pre-announced, and presumably pre-forgiven by the market gods. 🙏

Ethereum’s Not Dead Yet (But It’s Still Wearing a Toe Tag) 🚀💀

Ethereum has been beaten like a piñata at a sugar-crazed toddler’s birthday party-down 21% in 30 days. But here’s the twist: some charts are doing that thing where they look like they might, possibly, perhaps be considering the notion of not being completely terrible. The ETH/BTC ratio is twitching like a corpse in a bad horror movie, and ETF inflows have reversed faster than a politician’s campaign promises.

Bitcoin: When Panic Becomes Profit 😱

The current downturn is not merely a matter of diminished digits on a screen, you understand. It’s the sheer speed with which confidence evaporated. Bitcoin’s little tumble to the $81,000 vicinity – a mere bauble, really – unleashed a sentiment crash so dramatic it nearly shattered the Crypto Fear & Greed Index. It now languishes at a pathetic 20, signaling a deep-seated anxiety among the investors. A week ago? A dismal 10. Good heavens.