As the Financial Times-always with its stiff upper lip and a pencil behind the ear-observes, Iran could levy charges on vessels in the quirky currency known as Bitcoin. One Hamid Hosseini, a spokesman of some regard, supplied pearls of information: empty oil tankers pass for nothing; full ones must part with their cash and then some.
Imagine a folio of dead frogs, each swaddled in cunning foil, promising investors a mystical convergence of digital wizards and wall‑street wranglers.
Yes, comrades, the day has come when your AI overlord can now browse, select, and purchase goods on your behalf. No longer must you endure the tedious task of clicking “buy now” or, heaven forbid, swiping a card. Visa, in its infinite wisdom, has decreed that such trivialities are beneath you. Through a single integration-a digital handshake between the capitalist machine and its robotic minions-payments are initiated, tokenized, authenticated, and controlled. A true marvel of modern exploitation, wrapped in the shiny foil of “innovation.”
Hamid Hosseini, the charming spokesperson for Iran’s Oil, Gas and Petrochemical Products Exporters’ Union, spoke to the Financial Times, explaining that Tehran’s new policy will require ships to pay tolls via Bitcoin. Yes, that’s right, a toll in digital currency. Apparently, the ships won’t even have time to blink before they’re required to cough up the requested sum. The payment must be made in those precious seconds between receiving an email with the toll amount and… well, making sure the Bitcoin transaction isn’t traced, lest those pesky sanctions start making an appearance. Truly, the most efficient way to pay for your passage through a war-torn waterway.
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