EURJPY

Shares of Strategy (MSTR), the company formerly known as MicroStrategy (but let’s face it, “Strategy” sounds way more like a Bond villain’s think tank), surged 8.85% on Friday. They closed at $133.88 after a thrilling rollercoaster ride between $125.76 and $135.25. Volume? Oh, it was hefty. Roughly 24.6 million shares changed hands, which is about as much excitement as you’ll find in a room full of accountants on a Friday afternoon.

On the daily chart, ETH is stuck in a descending channel that makes a rollercoaster look like a stroll in the park. Lower highs? Check. Lower lows? Double check. It’s like watching a bad sequel-you know it’s going downhill, but you can’t look away. The recent nosedive into the $1.8K demand zone had buyers scrambling like ants at a picnic, but let’s be real: this rebound is about as convincing as a politician’s promise.

The report, penned with the detachment of a doctor diagnosing a chronic ailment, suggests that this decline is less the work of frenzied retail speculators and more the doing of institutional capital and macro forces. A mature market, they say, though one cannot help but wonder if maturity here is but a euphemism for a midlife crisis, complete with erratic behavior and a penchant for self-reflection.

Trading volume swelled to $2.89 billion, as the tokens, like wounded acrobats, limped their way to modest recoveries. Pump.fun, the star of this sideshow, soared 9.3%, while Shiba Inu, the loyal sidekick, clawed back 5.7%.

In a delightful revelation from the CryptoQuant oracle, our resident market analyst, CryptoOnchain, has announced that the Bitcoin Funding Rate on Binance-a veritable coliseum of digital currency-has plummeted to a level so low it could make even the most stoic of bears weep. The 14-day Simple Moving Average (SMA-14) has sunk to depths not witnessed in over a year. Truly, one must admire the dedication of the numbers; they have no qualms about being dramatic.

Leading the charge is Bitcoin (BTC), strutting its stuff with a robust 5% increase, now trading at a rather impressive $69,563. If only my bank account could experience such growth without me having to do anything except watch Netflix!

The U.S. Department of Justice, that stalwart guardian of justice, reveals that Cao, a Chinese national, exploited his position in the fraud department to pilfer the identities of the most vulnerable-the elderly, those whose lives were meant to be shielded from the harsh realities of the modern world. With a cunning that borders on the theatrical, he crafted email addresses for over a hundred souls, enrolling them in digital banking services they neither sought nor understood. Like a puppeteer pulling strings, he accessed their accounts, siphoning away $2 million, a sum that could have sustained entire families, into his own coffers.

Parker White, the self-appointed Cassandra of DeFi Development Corp, took to the Unchained podcast with Laura Shin to unravel this tapestry of woe. His theory, as viral as a particularly noxious strain of gossip, points a trembling finger at a hedge fund blowup-a financial Götterdämmerung that has been dragging Bitcoin down since October, like a leaden anchor on a sinking galleon.

Custodial deposits swelled like a rain-soaked river, and soon, withdrawals were unchained, allowing on-chain migration. On February 12th, XRPL integration arrived, a bridge to new lands, and liquidity matured like a fine wine left too long in the cellar. Binance, ever the shrewd merchant, tightened its grip on the stablecoin market, while the XRP Ledger gained the kind of depth that makes sailors whisper in awe.