qfx

The quarterly earnings release, published with the solemnity of a parish register, reveals that net income hath ascended to £82 million (or the modern equivalent), while diluted earnings per share hath improved from 77p to 91p. Adjusted EBITDA, that most esteemed of financial metrics, hath climbed to £109 million, and net contribution now standeth at £258 million, a 19 per cent increase. One might almost imagine the accountants themselves to be in a state of rapturous delight.

Summary

The bank reported bigger bets on BlackRock’s iShares Ethereum Trust ETF and the Bitwise Ethereum ETF. Because when in doubt, double down on the digital dice roll!

Donald Trump, that intrepid voyager of modern geopolitics, is set to arrive in Beijing for a two-day meeting with President Xi Jinping, a rendezvous as fraught as a duel in a teahouse. Before departing, the president declared trade would dominate his upcoming meeting with Xi Jinping-though he also plans to discuss Iran extensively with the Chinese leader, as if brokering peace in the Middle East were a side dish at a dumpling feast.

On a Sunday, when the world was preoccupied with mundane affairs, a Bitcoin address-silent since November 2013-awoke with the grace of a long-forgotten lover. It transferred its entire hoard to a new wallet, a move so audacious it might have been staged by a masterful playwright. Blockchain tracking service Whale Alert, that ever-vigilant sentinel of the digital realm, noted the transfer at 19:16 UTC, as if timing its arrival with the precision of a clockwork mechanism.

Behind this triumph lies a global supply conundrum so tight, it could make a bureaucrat weep. Mines, those stalwart pillars of progress, remain hampered by disruptions so persistent, they might as well be part of a Marxist dialectic.

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has given its approval to the fund, which was developed by crypto asset manager 21Shares. The fund is now available for trading on the Nasdaq stock exchange under the symbol $THYP.