🤑 Iris-Scanning Crypto Loans: Because Who Needs Collateral Anyway? 🚀

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In the heart of San Francisco, where the fog is as thick as the plot of a Douglas Adams novel, a lender called Divine Research has been handing out unbacked crypto loans like they’re going out of style. Since December, they’ve issued a whopping 30,000 of these bad boys, using Sam Altman’s World ID—an iris-scanning platform that ensures borrowers can’t just blink and run. 🕶️

Divine, the self-proclaimed Robin Hood of the crypto world, offers loans under $1,000 in USDC, primarily to folks who’ve been ghosted by traditional finance. “We’re loaning to average Joes and Janes—high-school teachers, fruit vendors, and anyone who’s ever Googled ‘how to make money while napping,’” said Diego Estevez, Divine’s founder, in a chat with the Financial Times. “This is microfinance on steroids, but without the awkward drug test.” 💊

Interest rates? Oh, they’re just a casual 20% to 30%. And the first-loan default rate is a breezy 40%. “High interest rates are like sunscreen for our losses,” Estevez quipped, adding that borrowers get World tokens they can “partially” reclaim. Because who doesn’t love a loan with a side of Monopoly money? 🎲

Crypto lending in action, probably.

Everyday Investors: The New Loan Sharks 🦈

Estevez claims Divine’s lenders are just regular folks looking for a solid return. “Anyone can provide liquidity. We’ve built a system where, after accounting for defaults and interest rates, providers will always profit. It’s like magic, but with spreadsheets.” ✨

Divine is part of a growing gang of high-risk crypto lenders riding the wave of renewed market hype and political tailwinds, including a thumbs-up from Donald Trump. Because if there’s one thing the crypto world needs, it’s more drama. 🎭

Meanwhile, 3Jane, another startup, just raised $5.2 million from Paradigm to offer uncollateralized credit lines on Ethereum. Unlike Divine, they demand “verifiable proofs” of assets or income—but still, no collateral. Because why bother with safety nets when you can just cross your fingers? 🤞

3Jane is also cooking up AI agents to enforce lending rules automatically. Defaulted loans? Sold to US debt collectors faster than you can say “blockchain.” And Wildcat is catering to market makers with undercollateralized loans, where lenders coordinate like a poorly organized book club in case of default. 📚

Crypto Lending: The Rollercoaster That Never Ends 🎢

Lending is still a tiny slice of the crypto pie, but it’s grabbing attention as big players like JPMorgan Chase dip their toes in. Last week, rumors swirled that they’re eyeing crypto-backed loans, using Bitcoin and Ether as collateral. Because nothing says “financial stability” like volatile assets. 📉

But let’s not forget the ghost of 2022, when Celsius and Genesis crashed harder than a forgotten password. Celsius’s CEO, Alex Mashinsky, got 12 years for fraud, and Genesis settled a $2 billion lawsuit. So, yeah, proceed with caution—or don’t, and write a book about it later. 📖

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2025-07-27 13:22