The noble Stargate coin, once languishing at fifteen kopecks and change, suddenly remembered its aristocratic heritage yesterday by leaping ten percent-prompting provincial aunts to whisper “gherkin speculation!” across Telegram channels.
But the true drama unfolded not in candle charts, rather in the drawing-room of social media, where the Wormhole Foundation, wearing creased gloves of courtesy, proposed to sweep Stargate off its feet-scorning rival LayerZero’s dowry of one-hundred-ten million dollars as “miserly, my dear, fit for a grocer, not a princess”.
- Stargate sniffed, “I was rather hoping for roses, not ZROses.” 🌹
- LayerZero blushed and mumbled that the treasury is only ninety-two million anyway, excluding that mountainous pile of its own tokens (which everyone pretends aren’t imaginary).
Bitcoin-forever the distracted uncle-attempted to vault over $114,000 but tripped on its own shoelaces; Ethereum, like a matron adjusting her bustle, reclaimed $4,300. In the resulting commotion, STG tried very hard to look grown-up and reached eighteen whole pennies, a sum that would once have bought a whole fish in Odessa.
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A Snapshot Paused, Like a Yawn at the Opera
The scheduled vote ending August 24 at precisely 12:15 a.m. GMT-because nothing says drama like Greenwich midnight-found itself politely invited to “pause and reconsider”, the way one might delay dessert to contemplate the calories.
Click “refresh” tomorrow, ladies-perhaps by then the worm will turn into a prince, or at least a valid smart-contract auditor. 🥂
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2025-08-20 22:25