I Just Lost 3 Days to Crypto Twitter and All I Got Was This ETF Rumor 😵‍💫✨

I like to picture Nate Geraci-NovaDius’s very own ETF sommelier-standing on a chair, waving a legal-sized folder like it’s the Declaration of Independence II: Electric Boogaloo, shouting, “The floodgates are coming! The floodgates are coming!”

Granted, when he yelled this on X (formerly the place where we dunked on airlines and watched the planet melt in real time), the SEC was still in its pajama phase, drinking instant coffee and pretending the future isn’t charging at it like an over-leveraged chihuahua. But Nate swears that by October we’ll have XRP, SOL, and-because the alphabet still has letters left-LTC ETFs waddling around like newborn geese. Cute, right? Until they poop on your portfolio. 💸

Meanwhile, in the Land of Regulatory Bingo…

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission has finally introduced something called a standardized rule system, which is Latin for “We figured out Word and made a template.” Under this shiny new process, listing a crypto ETF now takes 75 days instead of 240, effectively shaving five months off your existential dread calendar. Coincidence? I think not.

They also threw in fraud prevention, custody, and staking guidelines, which feels like ordering a kids’ meal and being handed a legal brief instead of a toy-though at least the brief is dishwasher-safe.

Oh, and the CLARITY Act is slithering through the Senate. It promises to answer the eternal question: Is a digital asset a security, or is it a commodity, or is it just a really expensive Tamagotchi that occasionally hatches taxes? 🐣🤷‍♂️

The Odds Are 95%… Unless, of Course, They Aren’t

Bloomberg’s Seyffart and Balchunas-basically the Simon & Garfunkel of probability-raised the approval odds to 95% for this year. I immediately tried parlaying that into the Powerball, but the clerk just stared at me until I bought a Slim Jim instead.

We’ve already got Bitwise and Canary Capital locked in an ETF turf war for XRP. Grayscale and Canary have thrown filings for LTC like confetti at a wedding nobody RSVP’d to. Meanwhile VanEck and Fidelity have been piling on SOL filings faster than my mother piles “helpful” clippings about cholesterol.

BlackRock Wants In-Kind, Not Indigestion

The SEC blessed spot Bitcoin ETFs with “in-kind” creation and redemption, which is banker-speak for “Let’s skip the cash step and move the actual crypto around like Pokémon cards.” This is great news for BlackRock, because converting everything to dollars first is so 2022-just ask anyone who paid for a pizza with Bitcoin in 2010 and is still crying into a cold slice. 🍕😢

Bottom line? Our nation is “nearing the finish line” on crypto ETF expansion, which makes crypto sound less like a revolution and more like a 10K fun-run where the water station ran out at mile two but the snack bar still sells overpriced hope.

Until then, I’m keeping my wallet zipped tighter than Nate’s folder full of predictions. If the floodgates do open, just remember: wear floaties, pack antacids, and maybe-just maybe-keep a Slim Jim handy. It might be the safest investment left.

2025-08-20 15:54

Meanwhile, in the Land of Regulatory Bingo…

The Odds Are 95%… Unless, of Course, They Aren’t

BlackRock Wants In-Kind, Not Indigestion

Read More