Oh, joy! Another existential crisis for the U.S. dollar, and this time it’s brought to you by Ray Dalio, the guy who’s been doomscrolling economic cycles since the Carter administration. 📉 On September 3, 2025, Mr. “I Predicted the 2008 Meltdown” decided to school the Financial Times like a teacher correcting a toddler’s crayon essay. His main gripe? The dollar’s about as safe as a screen door on a submarine, thanks to debt, geopolitical chaos, and a Fed that might as well be auditioning for a soap opera. Cue crypto and gold, the new “storeholds of wealth” (if you can pronounce that without rolling your eyes).
Your savings will vanish faster than my patience at a DMV. He’s even comparing today’s chaos to the 1930s-because nothing says “optimism” like invoking the Great Depression. 🎩💀
And here’s the kicker: Crypto’s now labeled “hard currency.” 🪙 Because nothing says “hard” like a digital token that crashes 20% every time Elon sneezes. Dalio’s like, “If dollars go floppy, crypto’s the new steel!” Meanwhile, crypto bros are doing the Macarena in the streets. 🕺
Stablecoins? Dalio shrugs. “Regulate ’em, and we’ll be fine.” Easy fix, right? Like telling a hurricane to “calm down” with a stern email. 📨🌀 He also dismisses deregulation fears-because, duh, the real villain’s debt. “Blame the debt!” he screams into the void. The void replies, “Yawn.”
Dalio’s crypto evolution? From “meh” to “mildly intrigued” – the financial equivalent of a middle-aged man discovering skinny jeans. 👖 He called Bitcoin “one hell of an invention” in 2020, then quietly bought a slice (probably through an app that auto-corrects to “Bitcoin” as “Bitcon”). Now he’s putting it in the “monetary hierarchy” – which sounds like a Dungeons & Dragons campaign.
At press time, crypto’s total market cap was $3.79 trillion. So, basically, a big number that could vanish faster than my willpower at a buffet. 🍽️💸
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2025-09-03 18:26