Bitcoin Soars Like a Tipsy Crane as Japan’s New PM Dusts Off Abenomics 🎎💰

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What the deuce is going on? 🤔

  • Prime Minister Takaichi Sanae, with the enthusiasm of a terrier chasing its own tail, declared fiscal and monetary policies shall henceforth be led by the government-because, naturally, bureaucrats know best.
  • BTC, that digital enigma wrapped in a cryptographic riddle, has scaled Everest against the yen, much to the delight of traders who enjoy fiscal easing like cats enjoy knocking things off tables.
  • The yen, meanwhile, slid against the dollar with the grace of a penguin on roller skates, while Japanese equities rose like soufflés in an oven with a broken thermostat.

Bitcoin, that modern-day alchemist’s dream, has struck a record high against the Japanese yen (JPY), leaving the BTC-USD pair in the dust like a tortoise outpaced by a particularly sprightly hare. This financial fandango comes as Japan’s freshly minted Prime Minister, Takaichi Sanae, dusted off the old “Abenomics” playbook-a strategy so beloved it might as well have been written by Shakespeare (if Shakespeare had been an economist with a penchant for printing money).

Abenomics, for the uninitiated, was the brainchild of former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe-a man who believed that ending deflation required the subtlety of a sledgehammer. His three-pronged approach involved: (1) flooding the economy with yen like a burst dam, (2) spending public funds with the abandon of a sailor on shore leave, and (3) structural reforms that sounded splendid in theory but often fizzled like a damp firework.

At a press conference that was less “fireside chat” and more “bull in a china shop,” Sanae cheerfully announced that the government would be taking the reins of fiscal and monetary policy-because, really, what could go wrong? She insisted that Japan must achieve “demand-driven inflation,” a phrase that sounds thrilling until you realize it means prices rising faster than your uncle’s blood pressure at Thanksgiving.

The PM, with the solemnity of a philosopher contemplating a particularly tricky koan, declared the Japanese economy is on a “tightrope.” Naturally, her solution? More monetary easing-because nothing tightens a slackrope like loosening it further. 🎪

Her remarks sent traders into a frenzy, like seagulls spotting an unattended bag of chips. The Bank of Japan, which had been flirting with the idea of raising rates, now seems about as likely to do so as a goldfish is to win a marathon. Meanwhile, bitcoin bulls and gold bugs are rubbing their hands with glee, anticipating yet another round of “free money” confetti.

Bitcoin ascends, yen descends-gravity be damned ⚖️

The BTC/JPY pair on BitFlyer has soared to a record ¥18,640,000, while BTC/USD languishes at a mere $123,100-proof that the yen is currently about as sturdy as a house of cards in a wind tunnel. Meanwhile, the Nikkei index breached 48,000 points, and the yen slid to ¥150.35 per dollar, its weakest since August-a performance so dismal it could make a mime weep.

Traders, who had spent the last two years nervously eyeing potential BOJ rate hikes like a cat watching a cucumber, are now reassessing their lives. Some argue the yen is no longer the safe-haven darling it once was-ousted, perhaps, by the Swiss franc, which sits smugly in the corner like a banker who’s just won at baccarat.

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2025-10-06 09:07