StableX, in a move that screams “we watched The Big Short one too many times,” is throwing $100 million into crypto like it’s Monopoly money 💸. And who’s holding their hand? BitGo – the crypto equivalent of that one friend who insists on being the designated driver.
TL;DR (Because Attention Spans)
- StableX hired BitGo to babysit their $100M crypto piggy bank, because nothing says “trust us” like outsourcing security to strangers on the internet 🔒.
- Remember when StableX made cars? Yeah, neither do they. Now they’re all-in on crypto like your uncle who won’t stop talking about Bitcoin at Thanksgiving 🚗➡️📈.
- BitGo promises “regulated custody,” which is basically the financial version of “my mom said it’s okay” 👩⚖️.
In a press release that definitely wasn’t written at 3 AM during a caffeine binge, StableX announced they’re letting BitGo play banker with their crypto stash. Because nothing says “stable investment” like volatile digital assets stored in a virtual freezer ❄️.
StableX’s Master Plan: Throw Money at Stablecoins and Pray
StableX’s glow-up from car manufacturer to crypto bro happened faster than a Tesla hitting Ludicrous Mode. One minute they’re building eco-friendly vehicles, the next they’re rebranding like a TikTok influencer desperate for clout 📛.
Their $100 million “strategy” (read: YOLO bet) was announced with the same confidence as a college student declaring they’ll “definitely wake up early tomorrow.” Spoiler: They won’t ⏰.
“We’re not just gambling – we’re gambling responsibly,” said StableX’s executive chairman Joshua Silverman, while probably wearing a suit made of blockchain print fabric. “Think of BitGo as the seatbelt on our crypto rollercoaster. Safety first, amirite?” 🎢
Their first big move? Buying FLUID tokens – because nothing says “solid investment” like something named after a state of matter that slips through your fingers 💧. But hey, at least they didn’t put it all in Dogecoin. Yet.
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2025-10-15 07:49