In a move as unexpected as a sober Englishman at Ascot, Coinbase, that bastion of crypto propriety, has deigned to list BNB, the enfant terrible of Binance’s empire. 🥳 One can only imagine the boardroom contortions that led to this decision-a rival’s token, no less!-though one suspects the allure of lucre proved irresistible. 🤑
Trading, we are assured, shall commence once the technical flunkeys have finished their tinkering and the market-makers have donned their dancing shoes. A grand occasion, no doubt, though one wonders if the champagne will be of the vintage variety or merely a fizzy impostor. 🍾
Assets added to the roadmap today: BNB (BNB)
– Coinbase Markets 🛡️ (@CoinbaseMarkets) October 15, 2025
This announcement follows the earlier introduction of BNB perpetual futures on Coinbase Advanced, a gambit that allows traders to gamble indefinitely with borrowed funds. A splendid idea, surely, for those who find the thrill of bankruptcy insufficiently exhilarating. 🎰
CZ, Binance’s éminence grise, chimed in with his characteristic aplomb, declaring that listing BNB was “a no-brainer.” One imagines him sipping a martini, shaking his head at Coinbase’s tardiness, as though they’d only just discovered the wheel. 🍸
BNB’s Market Follies and Coinbase’s Menagerie
At present, BNB languishes at $1,186, down 0.73% in the last 24 hours-a minor hiccup, one supposes, in its grand march toward obscurity or glory. Meanwhile, Coinbase, ever the showman, plans to list such luminaries as Bitcoin Hyper, Maxi Doge, PEPENODE, and Snorter Bot. A veritable zoo of digital assets, though one suspects some may prove more bark than byte. 🐶
Binance’s Listing Farce: To Pay or Not to Pay?
Amid this drama, a tempest brews over Binance’s listing fees. CJ Hetherington, a figure of no little repute, accuses Binance of demanding fees and deposits, a charge Binance denies with all the indignation of a schoolboy caught with his hand in the biscuit tin. 🍪 Arthur Hayes, erstwhile BitMEX luminary, suggests listings cost projects 16% of their token supply-a figure that would make even the most hardened financier blanch. 💸
It should cost 0% to be listed on an exchange.
– jesse.base.eth (@jessepollak) October 14, 2025
Coinbase’s BNB listing, then, is but the latest act in this crypto circus, a spectacle of rivalry, greed, and occasional brilliance. Whether it marks a new era of cross-platform harmony or merely another chapter in the great crypto farce remains to be seen. 🎪
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2025-10-16 11:17