In a twist so audacious that I suspect the Queen herself would raise an eyebrow in bewilderment, Bitcoin-a digital treasure once lauded as the harebrained brainchild of chain-smoking cryptographers-has now trailed the stately trot of U.S. Treasuries in the year 2025. A mere 8% gains for our beleaguered BTC, as though it had spent the year playing bridge with a three-card monte artist and lost the Montenegrin bankroll.
“Huge. Bitcoin has now performed worse than US Treasuries in 2025 “
Why It’s a Big Deal
U.S. Treasuries, those paragons of prudence and blandness, are to investors what my Aunt Agatha is to a room full of Picasso connoisseurs-boring, but immediately trusted by all. That the hyper-speculative, time-traveling meme-coin-of-the-month (BTC) should falter compared to this golden retriever of finance suggests either a) the gods of cryptography have retired to host poetry slams, or b) even the humble Treasury enjoys a champagne-soaked frolic at the top of the lemonade stand.
It must be noted with a sigh (and perhaps a skip of the heels) that our yellowlined BTC once swaggered about like a peacock in a henhouse, reigning supreme. However, last Tuesday, following a price crash so dramatic it made the ^FTSE100 blush, crypto’s golden boy tumbled below the sacred threshold of Treasuries, clutching his $100,000 dignity by its threadbare hem.
As U.Today’s scribes would shrug to the world, and the omelet-throwing masses, “The flagship coin briefly dipped below $100,000”-a confession as awkward as admitting your prime minister plays charades as part of his crisis management strategy.
“Max Desperation”
Enter Monsieur Matt Hougan of Bitwise, who, with all the solemnity of a man explaining gravity to a goldfish, declared retail investors currently residing in the “max desperation” quadrant-a term which smacks more of a five-star Malaysian hotel than an economic bromide.
Hougan, a man whose outward confidence might curdle into panic if anyone dared mention “Crypto Winter” to him directly, remains certain: another Ice Age of crypto is not coming. Or is it merely that he’s running out of winter coats for his dire prophecies?
Key Level to Watch
Behold the cacophony of Tuesday! Bitcoin ETFs experienced outflows of precisely $578-enough to buy exactly 0.02 cups of Earl Grey at Fortnum & Mason, or precisely one round of applause from a squirrel in the London Zoo.
And yet, the “average cost basis” of all Bitcoin acquisitions via spot ETFs now stands at $89,600-a figure so tidy, so British, it practically begs for a posh hat and a tea-cozy.
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2025-11-05 08:41