Crypto Chaos: Bulls Balk as Bitcoin Bumbles and Jokes Fly! 😂

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What to know:

By Omkar Godbole (All times ET unless indicated-because who needs sleep when you have crypto?)

The crypto market is having a bit of a temper tantrum-imagine a toddler in a toy shop, some coins splashed tears while others remain remarkably unfazed. Privacy coins like monero and zcash took a nosedive of more than 4%-poor things-while Bitcoin, Ether, Solana, and their pals bounced back like drunken sailors avoiding a storm from late Sunday. 🥴

Interestingly, the CoinDesk DeFi and Smart Contract Indices decided to strut their stuff, climbing roughly 5% and 4%, respectively, since the Asian sun rose. Such pockets of growth amid a sea of cautious whispers-nature’s little surprises, aren’t they?

That zcash, which has shot up over 500% since September-talk about the gift that keeps on giving-now teeters on the edge with a potential double top pattern (see the Technical Analysis below). Is this a market pause? A sign to panic? Or just a slapstick act before the show continues? Stay tuned.

The so-called experts keep parroting the same tune: “We are still early in institutional adoption”-as if that’s supposed to justify the rollercoaster. Meanwhile, Saylor’s BTC holdings are under the microscope, but Arca’s Jeff Dorman assures us he’s not about to prematurely sell-unless Bitcoin collapses like a house of cards in a windstorm.

Meanwhile, Ryan Lee from Bitget warns us to keep an eye on U.S. regulatory shenanigans-ETFs, stablecoins, exchange oversight-because a little regulatory slap might send investors scurrying back to safety or dropping everything like a hot potato. 🔥

In the realm of traditional markets, Japanese bonds decided to go on a spree, probably inspired by Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi’s new stimulus plan-an eye-watering 17 trillion yen ($110 billion)-raising fears of a fiscal maelstrom, much like throwing more gasoline on a smoldering fire. 💥

Crypto traders, beware-rising Japanese yields could give Treasury bonds a run for their money, possibly choking off risk assets like tech stocks and our beloved virtual currencies. Keep your helmets on!

What to Watch

Catch CoinDesk’s “Crypto Week Ahead” for the full dramatis personae of upcoming chaos.

Token Events

Again, because repetition is the soul of boredom-see CoinDesk’s “Crypto Week Ahead”.

Conferences

Same story, different venue: “Crypto Week Ahead”.

  • Day 1 of 2: Banking Transformation Summit (Charlotte, North Carolina) – because who doesn’t love a good elevator pitch?

Market Movements

  • BTC is up 0.63% from 4 p.m. ET Friday at $95,734.44 (just a casual increase, nothing to see here)
  • ETH is up 0.96% at $3,201.10-blockchain or not, everything’s going up… for now
  • CoinDesk 20 is up 0.57% at 3,086.17, proving that indexes can indeed surprise us
  • Ether CESR Rate dips a modest 15 basis points to 2.83%-because even rates need a holiday
  • BTC funding rate holds at 0.0057%-portraying a calm before the storm?

  • DXY stays proudly stubborn at 99.36-one might say it’s the rock in a destructive sea
  • Gold remains steady at $4,090.50-because shiny things soothe investors’ nerves
  • Silver pokes up 0.49% at $50.94-shining a bit brighter amid the chaos
  • Nikkei drops slightly, like a bad joke-down 0.1% at 50,323.91
  • Hang Seng slips 0.71%, showing some Asian markets aren’t amused
  • FTSE nudges down 0.10%, while Euro Stoxx sheds 0.5%, because why not?
  • Dow falls 0.65%; S&P 500 and Nasdaq are just patiently watching the circus unfold

Bitcoin Stats

  • Dominance: 59.43%-the king is still reigning, albeit a tad exhausted
  • Ether-to-Bitcoin ratio: 0.03341-like comparing a mouse to an elephant
  • Hashrate: 1,123 EH/s-like a giant digital sweatshop
  • Total fees: 2.61 BTC-because even transactions can be fee-heavy

Technical Analysis

  • Zcash’s recent burst above $500 has hit a wall at around $700-like running into a brick wall in your pajamas
  • This might be the birth of a double top pattern, supporting at $423-so much for a smooth ride
  • If prices fall, the market could switch allegiances from bullish cheerleaders to bearish grumps-stay alert!

Crypto Equities

  • Coinbase: closed at $284 (+0.3%)-pre-market tickles higher at $286.40
  • Circle: closed at $81.89 (-0.55%), but rallied to $83.58-because crypto folk love a good comeback
  • Galaxy, Bullish, MARA, Riot, Core, and CleanSpark are all flirting with their respective price points-some more cheerily than others

Crypto Treasury Companies

  • Sly Saylor’s Strategy (MSTR) closed at $199.75 (-4.22%)-probably contemplating life choices
  • Others like Semler, SharpLink, Upexi, and LITS exhibit the usual rollercoaster-up, down, and sideways

ETF Flows

Spot BTC ETFs are hemorrhaging $492.1 million daily-perhaps they’re just tired of the ride. Cumulative inflows sit at $58.83 billion, with about 1.32 million BTC in treasure.

Similarly, ETH ETFs are seeing a daily drain of $177.9 million, but total holdings remain impressive at over 6.3 million ETH-investors are diversified in despair!

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2025-11-17 15:34