Michael Saylor: Bitcoin’s Indestructible? 🤔

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In the fevered throes of modern finance, where the alchemy of numbers and dreams collides, Bitcoin-this digital phantom-has once again proven itself a capricious muse. Investors, those poor souls clinging to spreadsheets like life rafts, now find their charts awash in red, while Strategy, that audacious venture helmed by the indefatigable Michael Saylor, dances on the edge of a fiscal precipice. One might say it’s a tragedy in five acts, minus the catharsis. 😂

The stock, that fragile creature of shareholder hope, has plummeted like a drunkard’s last coin purse. Critics, armed with spreadsheets and hubris, brandish their knives, howling that Saylor’s Bitcoin obsession is a fool’s errand. But the man himself, with the air of a prophet in a world of skeptics, scoffs at their panic. “We are indestructible,” he proclaims, as if the universe itself must bow to his will. Or perhaps he’s just sleep-deprived. 🤷

Saylor’s Existential Rant on Bitcoin’s “Maturity”

In a recent interview with Fox Business, Saylor, that modern-day Don Quixote, waxed poetic about Bitcoin’s 15-year history of crashing and resurrecting itself. “Fifteen drawdowns!” he declared, as if counting the cracks in a saint’s statue. “And yet, it always returns, like a bad habit or a Russian novel.” He claimed these dips are not failures but rites of passage, purging the weak-willed and leveraged masses. One wonders if he’s ever met a person who hasn’t panicked at a 50% drop. 🤡

With the volatility now “merely” 50%, down from 80%, Saylor insists Bitcoin is maturing. “Soon, it’ll be as stable as a babushka’s samovar,” he said, though one might argue a babushka’s samovar is more likely to explode. He envisions a future where Bitcoin’s volatility mirrors the S&P 500, but with 1.5x the returns. A bold vision, or a man staring into the abyss and seeing a ledger. 📊

“Bitcoin,” he proclaimed, “is the ultimate sound money for those who fear the fragility of existence.” A noble sentiment, if one ignores the fact that 40% of Strategy’s holdings are now underwater. A financial phoenix, perhaps, but one drowning in its own ashes. 🕳️

The Business Model: A Love Letter to Leverage

Turning to Strategy, Saylor defended the company’s “aggressive” Bitcoin purchases, as if describing a romantic affair. “We’ve grown 70% annually!” he bellowed, as if growth alone could defy gravity. He touted the company’s “robust” leverage-10-15%, which, in crypto terms, might as well be 10-15% oxygen in a vacuum chamber. Still, he claimed Strategy could survive an 80-90% drawdown and “keep ticking.” A clockwork octopus, perhaps, or a man who’s never seen a balance sheet. 🤖

Even if Bitcoin halted its ascent entirely, Saylor argued, Strategy has decades to adapt. A comforting thought, like telling a drowning man he has time to learn to swim. “Indestructible,” he reiterated, though one might question if indestructibility includes being sued by shareholders. 🧾

The Bitcoin Bonanza: A Tale of Two Percentages

Recently, MSTR spent $835.6 million to buy 8,178 BTC, averaging $102,171 per coin. A bold move, or a desperate gambit akin to buying a yacht during a storm. Now, 40% of their holdings are at a loss, while the rest gleam like a savior’s smile. Meanwhile, the stock trades at $206.80, down 50% in six months-a performance that would make even a bear blush. 🐻

Bitcoin itself, that fickle lover, trades at $91,688, down 11% weekly. A recovery, Saylor insists, is imminent. Or perhaps he’s just dreaming in color. 🎨

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2025-11-19 13:05