Crypto Shenanigans & Space on the Book and Other Worlds

Chaos reigned supreme across the crypto-landscape this week, leaving wizards and accountants alike scratching their heads. 🌀

Here’s a whirlwind tour of the most moustache-twirling headlines you might have zoned out on.

Crypto-Enamored Kevin Hassett Debuts in Trump’s Fed Chair Hunt

Kevin Hassett has catapulted to the front of Trump’s Fed chair carousel, with the president eager for a ringmaster open to slashing rates faster than a dragon’s tail. As Christmas approaches, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent hints a decision might emerge before we make that mistletoe toast. Hassett’s crypto bag, with a juicy $1m Coinbase stake, stirs up debates on whether this Fed shuffling might overhaul regulation and liquidity.

Upbit’s Unholy Hack: Lazarus Bandits Strike Again

Upbit is playing whack-a-mole after a major breach stripped it of nearly $37 million, spanning an epic variety of tokens. Authorities now eye North Korea’s Lazarus Group with suspicion sharper than a goblin’s teeth. The exchange fastened its activity with icy urgency, snug like a coin in a dragon’s clutch, while compensating users from its own treasure hoard. As police and regulators puzzle over this mess, Upbit wheels and deals like a alchemist perfecting his elixirs.

Breaking news: Yonhap News Agency hints that North Korea’s infamous hacker group Lazarus pillaged Upbit’s vaults, absconding with currency worth $30.6 million. Ochre Outlaws! 😱

– Pi Network Academy (@CryptoExxpert24) November 28, 2025

Enigmatic Allegations: Trump Family & Cryptic Crypto Conundrums

A newly minted congressional report dubs President Trump’s the presidency as a crypto-spinning money contraption, allegedly boosting his family’s coffers by billions. In return, they reportedly eased off on safeguards and tossed a wrench into probes targeting their crypto-friendly enterprises. The report sketches a sweeping tableau of foreign influence, pardons for confidants, and regulatory deconstruction, leaving critics to murmur darkly about schemes benefiting the former commander’s war chest over national security.

China’s Crypto Crackdown: A Booming Ban?

In the waning days of November, China doubled down on its crypto crusade as officials proclaimed the nation will continue its ostrich stance on cryptocurrencies. The People’s Bank of China dismissed virtual assets and stablecoins as no more legitimate than a troll at a high-status gala. Speculations afresh have risk mongers weary, spurring tales of fraud, secret cross-border transactions, and funding schemes fit for a swashbuckler’s adventure. The authorities, as immovable as ever, pledged tighter monitoring and continuous crackdowns to shield against financial calamity.

U.S. Senate & Cryptic Market Rules: A December Deliberation

The U.S. Senate is primed to cast a critical vote on a substantial crypto market framework bill before winter twitches fully into gear. If passed, it could lay plain some rules for these digital wares, helping America posture itself as the leader in the crypto conundrum. The provisions could delineate the boundaries for the SEC and CFTC, bolstering industry confidence and planting seeds for a more robust Bitcoin harvest.

JPMorgan’s Cryptic Turn: Bitcoin Note Shakes the Financial Universe

JPMorgan has surprisingly unveiled a leveraged note tied to BlackRock’s IBIT, marking a volte-face in the firm’s crypto skepticism. This new offering mirrors the ups and downs of Bitcoin’s halving hoopla, promising up to 1.5 times the acrobatic upside by 2028, providing IBIT doesn’t plummet beyond a 30% drop. This Wall Street pivot might signal a growing appetite for Bitcoin’s luscious future feast, despite an oft-volatile market buzzing with speculations.

UK Stablecoin Scheme: Sandbox with a View

The UK FCA, with regulatory bravado, has unfurled its Stablecoins Cohort, welcoming companies to test their stablecoin wares in a regulated sandbox arrangement. Contestants have the unique opportunity to work alongside FCA officials, bask in the limelight, and shape how stablecoins dance to a future UK tune. With the call to arms out, the UK aims to ensconce itself as a global digital-finance citadel.

21Shares & Ripple’s ETF Frenzy: Shaking the Market

21Shares gears to debut its U.S. spot XRP ETF on December 1st, sporting the ticker TOXR. This marks the dawn of the fifth XRP fund to splash onto the stage. Ahead of its splash, XRP ETFs have netted a staggering $666.61 million in flows, nudging XRP up by 12% in a mere week. With reserves evaporating and demand heating up like a fire in a forge, analysts predict XRP’s journey onward could soar to new $3 territories.

Binance & Legal Labyrinths: Examining Terror Fund Tales

Binance finds itself once again entangled in a legal labyrinth as U.S. victims of the 7 October assaults hold the exchange accountable for allegedly aiding over $1B astray to terror entities. Forged in the embers of a contentious past, punctuated by CZ’s presidential pardon, these plaintiffs claim Binance allowed the illicit flow of rich webbed funds long after their $4B settlement. The families lay down their gauntlet to seek recompense in a federal jury drama.

Shiba Inu’s Spacey Upgrades with a Zama Buzz

Shiba Inu embarks on an enthralling journey with two significant Shibarium enhancements – a full privacy evolution courtesy of Zama’s state-of-the-art FHE technology and a joint AI gaming venture with TokenPlay. These upgrades fan the flames of encrypted smart contracts and private dealings, alongside introducing riveting play-to-earn marvels. With developer activity blossoming like flowers in an alchemist’s garden, SHIB’s value poetically hopped 5.4% following the announcement, piquing demand expectations.

Zama is ushering Shibarium into a realm of stealthy privacy upgrades!

By the end of Q2 2026, Shibarium along with Bone may unveil the mystery of fully on-chain privacy and confidential smart contracts, courtesy of Zama’s Fully Homomorphic Encryption wizardry!

– 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐞 (@LucieSHIB) November 27, 2025

Tether’s Wobbly Score: USDT in the Spotlight of Suspicion

S&P has bestowed Tether with a “Weak” rating, cautioning that Bitcoin now occupies a more prominent shard of its reserves than the cushion meant to absorb potential losses. As risky assets ascend, lingering shadows from past investigations loom over USDT. While Tether shrugged off the downgrade, the sheer gravity of $100B daily flows leaves the market to write the next chapter.

To the dauntless S&P weighers of Tether:

We display your disdain like a festival banner.

Those bygone rating models, crafted for the regal financial institutions of yore, always nudged private and institutional investors towards the shores of companies deemed investment grade…. Never mind they may have been as reputable as a one-legged troll at a fair.

– Paolo Ardoino (@paoloardoino) November 26, 2025

MSCI & MicroStrategy: An Unexpected Ejection?

TD Cowen speculates that MSCI might slide MicroStrategy out from its indices, with a decision looming sometime around mid-January. This move tracks with JPMorgan’s forewarning of peril due to MicroStrategy’s hefty Bitcoin pile. Driven by Michael Saylor, with his stash of 649,870 BTC, the enterprise insists on its true identity as a software business, not a crypto crusader.

A Weekly Witching Hour: Crypto & its Bedeviled Conditions

Closing the week’s chapter, the crypto realm finds itself navigating a maze of political tremors, regulatory rumbles, and newfound security quagmires. With a mix of prudence and urgency, traders keep a keen eye on how the ongoing Fed chair search and the Senate’s imminent crypto vote may set the stage for December’s market movements. Should Bitcoin manage to sidestep the hubbub and macroeconomic signals remain serene, there’s a flicker of hope for stability in these otherwise tempestuous digital skies.

Keep sharp and stay tuned with Coinpedia as we dance into what could be the year’s grand finale.

2025-11-29 15:30