Coinbase to $510?! You’re Kidding Me.

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Okay, so Coinbase. COIN. The crypto place. It’s down, right? Like, way down. Forty percent! Forty! From $444 to…$271. What is this, amateur hour? It’s like buying a really expensive sweater then finding it on sale a week later. And they’re blaming, what, “market fluctuations”? Volatility? Please. 🙄

Bernstein Thinks It’s Going Up? Seriously?

And now, Bernstein, these analysts…they’re saying it’s gonna go up. Ninety percent! To $510. Five-one-zero! Are they looking at the same Coinbase I am? They call it a “bullish phase.” A bullish phase? It’s been more of a lethargic walrus phase, if you ask me.

They say it’s becoming an “everything exchange.” An everything exchange? What, are they selling bagels now? I need clarification on this “everything.” Is it really necessary? 🤨

Apparently, this Chhugani guy (Gautam Chhugani, got it. I’m memorizing names. It’ll be on the test.) says it’s different this time. Always is, isn’t it? They say only the “MSTR copycats” are really hurting. What even is a “copycat” in the stock market?! It’s so confusing. Just tell me if I should sell!

They claim Coinbase is diversifying. Yeah, well, diversifying into…what? More crypto? That’s like a guy who’s bad at dating trying to meet people at a singles bar. It’s just…not a good strategy.

And regulatory guidelines…could help? Of course. Because government intervention always fixes things. 🤦🏻‍♂️

They’re excited about some Monad thing. And a product showcase on December 17th. Honestly? Sounds like a sales pitch. They’ll promise you the moon, and you’ll get a slightly less buggy app. I guarantee it.

They Still Say Buy…

So, Bernstein says “Buy.” Monness Crespi says “Buy.” Everyone’s saying “Buy.” It’s just…suspicious. It smells like a trap. A very complicated, crypto-flavored trap. They’ve got a $510 price target. It is just…ambitious to say the least. I’m sticking with my comfortable short position. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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2025-12-06 09:06