Stripe Swallows Valora: Crypto World Gasps, Wallets Tremble! 💸🤯

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Finance

The Lowdown (Because Who Has Time for Jargon?):

  • Valora, the crypto payments app that promised to make you rich (or at least less poor), is now part of Stripe. Think of it as a fancy merger, but with more blockchain and fewer cupcakes. 🍰➡️🔗
  • Stripe, the payments giant with a penchant for acquiring crypto companies like they’re collecting Pokémon, has added Valora to its ever-growing stable. Bridge, Privy, and now Valora – who’s next? My bet’s on a company named “CryptoCatnip.” 🐱💰
  • Valora, born from the Celo network (which sounds like a fancy Italian restaurant, but isn’t), raised a cool $20 million in 2021. Now they’re trading in their startup dreams for Stripe’s corporate cafeteria. Let’s hope the coffee’s good. ☕️

In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s been paying attention to Stripe’s crypto shopping spree, the team behind Valora is packing their bags and heading to Stripe HQ. Valora founder Jackie Bona, in a blog post that was probably written while sipping a latte made from blockchain-verified beans, said, “We’ve seen firsthand how access to stablecoins and crypto rails can expand economic opportunity.” Translation: “We saw Stripe’s wallet and got excited.” 🤑

“In the past few months, it became clear that we could accelerate this mission by joining Stripe, one of the world’s leading financial infrastructure platforms,” Bona added. Because nothing says “accelerating your mission” like becoming a cog in a much larger machine. 🚀➡️⚙️

Valora, a mobile-focused crypto payments app built on the Celo network (remember, the fancy Italian restaurant?), spun out of cLabs in 2021. They raised $20 million, which is enough to buy a lot of avocado toast, but apparently not enough to stay independent. 🥑🍞

A Stripe spokesperson, likely wearing a suit made from recycled blockchain code, confirmed the news to CoinDesk, saying, “The Valora team’s experience in crypto wallet infrastructure and onchain developer tools brings valuable expertise to our ongoing crypto efforts.” Translation: “We needed their nerds.” 👨‍💻

This acquisition comes hot on the heels of Stripe’s other crypto conquests, including Bridge (the stablecoin infrastructure firm, not the card game) and Privy (the wallet app, not the British term for a toilet). They’ve also been busy developing Tempo, a blockchain designed for stablecoin payments, with Paradigm. Tempo is already in testing, which means we’re one step closer to paying for our lattes with digital Monopoly money. ☕️💸

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2025-12-11 02:00