Tether Buys Juventus? 😱 Crypto Meets Calcio in Wild Move!

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Tether just did the unthinkable: offered cold, hard crypto cash to buy Exor’s chunk of Juventus Football Club. Because why not? Let’s face it, if you’re going to buy a football club, might as well make it one with a name that sounds like a pizza recipe. 🍕⚽

  • Tether wants Exor’s 65.4% stake in Juventus, paying entirely from its “vaults of infinite crypto magic.” (Translation: They printed money… legally, probably.)
  • Plans to publicly tender the rest of the shares at the same price. Because who doesn’t love a good “all-you-can-buy” deal?
  • Pledged €1B to “support growth and sporting development.” Translation: More stadium lights, fewer tax scandals.

The bid? A straight-up grab for Exor’s slice, followed by a public offer to scoop up the leftovers. All paid for with Tether’s balance sheet-no loans, no begging, no crying. Just cold, algorithmic cash. 💸

CEO Paolo Ardoino called it “deeply personal,” adding: “Juventus has always been part of my life. I grew up watching them… learn commitment, resilience, and responsibility.” Spoiler: He probably still doesn’t know how to juggle three balls, but hey, he’s buying a football club now. 🦓

Tether Pledges €1 Billion to Fix the Club’s Problems (Probably)

If this goes through, Tether will drop €1B on the club like it’s confetti at a crypto conference. Ardoino insists it’s about “values,” not money. Sure, Paolo. And we’re sure Juventus’ “values” include never losing to AC Milan again. 🤭

Tether Submits Proposal to Acquire Juventus Football Club 🦓

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– Tether (@Tether_to) December 12, 2025

“Juventus is a symbol of Italian excellence,” Ardoino claimed. “Built over generations through hard work, ambition, and loyalty.” Meanwhile, Tether built itself on… well, let’s not dwell. The point is, they’re both “long term resilient.” Probably. 🤷♂️

But first: hurdles! Exor’s approval, regulatory clearance, and probably a very serious meeting with the Italian mafia. Once Tether secures the stake, they’ll offer the remaining shares at the same price. Because why let the little people pay more? 🤑

Ardoino added, “This proposal is made with humility and responsibility.” Translation: We’re rich and slightly terrified of the internet’s reaction. But hey, “Juventus’ story is still being written,” he said. Let’s hope the next chapter isn’t a cryptofunded disaster. 🔥

Juventus Bid: Tether’s Latest “Diversification” Masterstroke

This move caps a year of Tether “diversifying” into things like commodity trade finance (oil, cotton, wheat-because nothing says “stability” like betting on crop yields). Also launched QVAC Health (wearable data management-because your heart rate needs a blockchain), and partnered with HoneyCoin to spread crypto in Africa. Meanwhile, they’re buying back shares and filing for an El Salvador fund license. Because why not? 🌍

And let’s not forget: Tether’s 2025 Q1-Q3 net profits? Over $10B. Their reserves? $12.9B in gold, $9.9B in Bitcoin. USDT circulation? $174B by September. So yeah, buying a football club is just another Tuesday. 💎

Total assets? Nearing $200B. Which means Tether can now afford to buy Juventus… and maybe a small country. Just don’t expect them to fix the team’s defense. That’s what “long-term resilience” is for. 🙌

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2025-12-13 19:04