TON Wallet Gets Fancy Stocks 🤑

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So, they’re letting the riff-raff trade bits of America now, are they? Kraken, those clever foxes, have unleashed xStocks onto the TON Wallet. Telegram users – yes, those purveyors of memes and questionable advice – can now dabble in tokenized U.S. equities. A revolution? More like a gilded cage, if you ask me.

Kraken’s little trinket, xStocks, is finally wobbling around in the ecosystem of Telegram’s TON Wallet. They call it “increased access.” I call it another way for people to lose their shirts, but with extra steps. 🤷‍♂️ It’s a ‘milestone,’ they say. For whom? The brokers, naturally.

Fancy Stocks for Messengers – What Could Go Wrong?

First the Telegram wallet, now this. xStocks is now truly live on TON Wallet. Like a parasite finding a cozy host. You can access these ‘stocks’… directly from your messaging app. Progress! Or a descent into madness, hard to tell these days.

📲 TradFi is entering Telegram.

What’s happening:⚡ Kraken-backed xStocks just launched on TON⚡ Tokenized U.S. stock exposure comes inside TG via a non-custodial TON Wallet integration⚡ Examples include TSLAx, SPYx, NVDAx (and more)⚡ Narrative shift: “stocks as…

– TEX_Wallet (@TEX_Wallet)

Kraken’s co-CEO, that Arjun fellow, calls it a ‘first.’ A first step toward what, exactly? A future where your grandmother is day-trading Dogecoin from her toilet? He boasts about “fully onchain equities.” Sounds… complicated. And expensive. Very expensive.

Related Reading: Kraken Throws Money Around Like It’s Going Out of Style: $210M USDT for KindlyMD | Bitcoin Whispers

Now you can buy, hold, and transfer tokenized versions of things like TSLAx and SPYx – fancy names for little digital slips of paper. Thrown in with the usual crypto chaos. A single portfolio for your dreams and your despair. Wonderful.

The TON Foundation – a name that evokes images of powerful engineers and even more powerful marketing – claims TON Wallet has nearly 100 million users. Max Crown, the President, says equities are now “as easy as sending a message.” Easy to lose a message, too. And your money. He emphasizes ‘instant residence’ and ‘user control.’ Oh, the irony. 🙄

They tried this before, with a custodial solution. Small bits of success, they claim. Now, with the TON Wallet expansion, they predict… more of the same. A surge of hopefuls lining up to hand over their savings.

Some Andrew Rogozov, CEO of The Open Platform, chirps about ‘financial inclusion.’ Meaning more people have access to things they don’t understand. Progress, I suppose. Progress towards a more volatile world.

Spreading the Madness: xStocks Goes Multichain

It’s already on Solana and Ethereum, you see. Naturally. Kraken is determined to distribute these digital pieces of America far and wide. “Interoperability” is the buzzword. Meaning a mess, in plain language.

Apparently, since June 30th, 2025, people have been snapping up xStocks. A $60 million increase in supply between November and December. $180 million in assets. Nearly 50,000 wallets filled with these… things. A grand spectacle of modern finance. 😂

Kraken, naturally, is planning more conquests. Mantle and TRON are next. And they’re buying Backed Finance. Because what’s the point of making a mess if you can’t own the whole thing?

They speak of ‘neutral, public-market infrastructure.’ And ‘free movement of assets.’ Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Until your assets disappear into the ether. Arjun Sethi calls it ‘structural transference.’ Sounds ominous.

Regulators, of course, are sniffing around. As they should be. But TON, with its self-custody and ‘transparency’, is attracting attention. Transparency… it’s a good word. Makes things sound legitimate. Institutional interest is, of course, ‘strong.’ Always is.

So here we are. Messaging platforms, blockchains, and capital markets – all colliding in a glorious, chaotic mess. Will it change the world? Perhaps. Will it make anyone truly happier? Doubtful. But it will certainly provide endless fodder for cynical observers like myself. 🎭

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2025-12-19 07:39