So, here’s the thing: Bitwise Asset Management, in a move that can only be described as “boldly going where no ETF has gone before,” filed for not one, not two, but eleven (yes, 11, eleven, like the football team but with more zeros) new cryptocurrency strategy ETFs with the U.S. SEC on December 30, 2025. 🗓️ Why? Because apparently, the world needed more ways to throw money at altcoins like AAVE, UNI, ZEC, ENA, Hyperliquid, NEAR, STRK, SUI, TAO, TRX, and CC. 🪙
Each of these funds, in a stroke of genius (or madness, depending on your perspective), allocates 60% to direct crypto holdings and 40% to ETPs or derivatives. Why? For “liquidity and compliance,” they say. But let’s be honest, it’s probably just to keep the SEC from throwing a fit. 🤷♂️ If these ETFs get the green light, they’ll launch on March 16, 2026, riding the coattails of Bitwise’s XRP and Solana successes, which apparently made institutional investors go, “Shut up and take my money!” 💼💸
This whole shebang is supposed to offer “regulated exposure” to DeFi, L1s, and niche tokens in a $3 trillion market. Because, you know, what the world really needs is more ways to gamble on digital coins while pretending it’s all very sophisticated and grown-up. 🎩🎲
So, buckle up, folks. The crypto rollercoaster is about to get even wilder. And remember, as Douglas Adams once said (or would have, if he’d lived to see this madness), “Don’t panic.” But maybe keep a towel handy, just in case. 🚀🛸
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2025-12-31 10:06