Crypto Jail Time?! 😱

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It appears New York, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that digital assets are rather frightful things. A new legislative proposal – christened “CRYPTO,” which stands for “Cryptocurrency Regulation Yields Protections, Trust, and Oversight” (one rather suspects the acronym was determined before the substance, don’t you think? 🙄) – threatens to impose a distinctly penal atmosphere upon anyone daring to do business in the shadowy world of blockchain without the correct permissions.

The alarm was sounded by Manhattan’s District Attorney, Mr. Alvin L. Bragg, Jr., a man clearly overburdened with the cares of the state, and State Senator Zellnor Myrie. They seem to believe cryptocurrency is, and I quote, “urgent” to regulate. One wonders what grave societal ill is being averted; are rogue Bitcoin traders threatening the foundations of the republic?

NY’s Proposed Crypto Bill

Previously, running a cryptocurrency exchange or, heaven forbid, transporting those digital whatsits without a license resulted in little more than a stern lecture and a modest fine. Pathetic, really. But now? Now we’re talking proper gaol time. The new Act intends to bring New York in line with the federal system, where a mere five years in prison awaits the unauthorized. A trifling matter, perhaps, compared to what’s coming…

The intention, ostensibly, is to force these digital upstarts to behave with the same dreary diligence and transparency as a perfectly respectable bank. A quixotic notion, one might suggest. After all, what’s the fun in disruption if it’s all frightfully well-regulated?

Unlicensed activity will be deemed, with suitably portentous language, “Unlicensed Virtual Currency Business Activity.” Penalties, naturally, will be graduated. A paltry million dollars worth of illicit transactions within a year will earn you a criminal charge, and activities above that sum could lead to a stay of five to fifteen years at His Majesty’s pleasure. (Or, in this case, New York State’s, which is almost as good.)

A “Shadow Financial System”

Mr. Bragg, in a rather frantic pronouncement, likened cryptocurrency to a “shadow financial system,” a haven for money launderers and general ne’er-do-wells. Apparently, it’s “the go-to means for bad actors”. Well, isn’t everything these days? One can hardly purchase a decent bottle of claret without attracting suspicion. He feels it’s time these outfits faced “criminal repercussions”. Goodness gracious!

Senator Myrie predictably echoed this sentiment, noting the proportional growth of “illicit activity” alongside the continued advance of crypto. New York, he contends, being a “major financial hub,” cannot afford to be lax. This is rather like complaining about fog in London, one feels.

The new bill seeks to join the 18 other jurisdictions that have already criminalized unlicensed cryptocurrency transactions, all in the noble pursuit of “consumer protection” (and, one suspects, a rather satisfying sense of control).

To add to the general air of regulatory frenzy, several House Democrats have penned a letter to the SEC, demanding the reinstatement of enforcement actions against digital asset firms. The SEC, it appears, has been displaying a disconcerting lack of zeal in prosecuting these modern-day alchemists. The horror!

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2026-01-17 10:14