Crypto Cards: The Only Thing Growing Faster Than My Therapist’s Bill 😂

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So here we are, folks-crypto cards are the new big thing, right? Like, who knew? Turns out people can’t just send money to their friends anymore; now they need a plastic card that’s basically a crypto magic trick. According to some report, these cards are now the top dog in on-chain stablecoin action, outpacing P2P transfers. Wild, I know.

A study by Artemis (because nothing says “trustworthy” like a name that sounds like a fancy cat) claims these transactions have quietly turned into an $18 billion market in 2025. Oh, and the growth rate? A whopping 106% since 2023. That’s like asking if you want fries with that… but for money. From $100 million to $1.5 billion in a blink. Congrats, we’ve officially invented a way to spend digital dollars faster than you can say “bear market.”

The Great Crypto Card Takeover 🚨

Stablecoin volumes via these cards now beat direct wallet-to-wallet transfers. Artemis data says monthly payments jumped from $100 million to $1.5 billion in 2025. Total for the year? $18 billion. That’s almost as much as P2P’s $19 billion. Close enough to win a game of crypto Monopoly, I guess.

Visa, the undisputed king of charging fees, processes over 90% of these transactions. Mastercard’s not far behind, slinging cards with Revolut, Bybit, and Gemini. Meanwhile, companies like Rain and Reap are busy pretending they’re innovators while just printing more cards. It’s like the 2008 housing boom, but with blockchain and more emojis.

Why Everyone Loves Crypto Cards (Spoiler: Fees)

CEXs and DeFi platforms love these cards because they’re the ultimate customer hook. Rewarding everyday spending with crypto? Genius! It turns your grocery run into a “long-term engagement” strategy. Gemini’s Q3 2025 stats show 56% of U.S. users signed up via their credit card-and 75% stayed active. Who knew buying coffee could feel like joining a cult?

Self-custodial wallets like MetaMask and Phantom? They’re not in it for the love of crypto. They’re in it for the interchange fees and subscriptions. Because nothing says “financial freedom” like paying more for a card that costs $5 a month. And let’s not forget MetaMask’s mUSD and Phantom’s CASH-because we needed more acronyms to confuse everyone.

In places like India and Argentina, these cards are the latest flavor of financial “stability.” In India, crypto flows hit $338 billion, and UPI’s suddenly obsolete. In Argentina, USDC’s 46.6% market share means everyone’s using crypto cards to outsmart inflation. Meanwhile, in the U.S., it’s just rich people trying to spend their stablecoins without looking greedy. Classic.

The report ends by saying stablecoins will keep growing. Yeah, because nothing says “future-proof” like betting on a system where no one knows what happens next. But hey, at least the cards are shiny. 💳✨

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2026-01-18 23:02