Bitmine’s ETH Hoard: Because Who Needs a Piggy Bank When You Can Have a Blockchain?

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While the rest of us were busy arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza, Bitmine Immersion Technologies was quietly hoarding Ethereum like a squirrel with a nut obsession. On the very day Strategy was patting itself on the back for its $2 billion Bitcoin buy, Bitmine slipped in and scooped up 35,268 ETH, bringing its total stash to a jaw-dropping 4.203 million ETH. Yes, you read that right-4.203 million. That’s enough to make even the most hardened crypto skeptic whisper, “Dang.”

Bitmine’s Ether Treasury: Bigger Than Your Retirement Fund

In a Jan. 20 announcement that probably made their competitors weep into their coffee, Bitmine revealed their total holdings of crypto, cash, and “moonshot” investments clock in at a cool $14.5 billion. And guess what? The Ethereum pile alone is doing most of the heavy lifting, accounting for a whopping 3.48% of Ethereum’s circulating supply. That’s right-Bitmine is basically the Ethereum equivalent of a dragon sitting on a pile of gold, except the gold is digital and the dragon is a tech company.

According to Bitmine Chairman Tom Lee, this Ethereum binge is all about the long game. With Wall Street tokenizing everything but the kitchen sink, Bitmine is betting big on Ethereum’s future. Because, let’s face it, if you’re not staking your ETH in 2024, are you even trying?

Speaking of staking, Bitmine isn’t just hoarding ETH-they’re putting it to work. As of Jan. 19, they’ve staked 1,838,003 ETH (worth roughly $5.9 billion), up by 580,000 ETH in just one week. That’s like discovering you’ve been sitting on a goldmine and deciding to turn it into a money-printing machine. Oh, and they’re not done yet. Their upcoming Made in America Validator Network (MAVAN) is set to launch in 2026, because apparently staking is the new black.

But wait, there’s more! Beyond Ethereum, Bitmine is holding 193 Bitcoin, nearly $1 billion in cash, and a $22 million equity stake in Eightco Holdings. Oh, and they just threw $200 million at MrBeast’s Beast Industries because, why not? Apparently, Bitmine’s motto is “If it’s not nailed down, buy it.”

Shareholders, meanwhile, are cheering from the sidelines. At their Jan. 15 meeting, all four proposals passed with flying colors, including one to increase authorized shares (81% approval). It’s like a financial version of a standing ovation, but with more spreadsheets.

So, where does this leave us? With Bitmine’s Ethereum holdings now second only to Strategy Inc.’s Bitcoin treasury, the message is clear: keep stacking, stake aggressively, and let Ethereum do the heavy lifting. Or, as one anonymous observer put it, “Bitmine is playing crypto chess while the rest of us are still trying to figure out how the pawns move.”

FAQ ❓

  • How much Ethereum does Bitmine hold?
    4.203 million ETH, which is roughly 3.48% of Ethereum’s supply. Yes, they’re basically Ethereum’s landlord.
  • How much ETH did Bitmine buy last week?
    35,268 ETH. That’s more than most of us will see in a lifetime, but hey, who’s counting?
  • How much Ethereum is Bitmine staking?
    1,838,003 ETH, valued at $5.9 billion. Because why let your crypto sit idle when it can earn you more crypto?
  • What is MAVAN?
    Bitmine’s Made in America Validator Network, launching in 2026. Think of it as a staking party, but with more infrastructure.

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2026-01-20 18:57