Bitwise Unveils Crypto-Metal ETF: Your New Best Friend Against Dollar Doom!

Behold, the mighty Bitwise Asset Management has unleashed a new beast upon the financial plains-a fund that claims to hedge against the dread specter of currency devaluation. This monstrosity, dubbed the Bitwise Proficio Currency Debasement ETF, combines the digital wizardry of Bitcoin with the ancient allure of gold and other precious metals. It’s like a treasure map for those who believe the government is secretly printing money in a backroom, sipping tea and chuckling.

The fund, which trades under the ticker BPRO, charges a modest 0.96% annual fee, a sum so small it’s practically a donation. Its mission? To profit from the slow, agonizing death of fiat currencies. And lest you forget, it keeps at least 25% of its assets in gold-because nothing says “I’m prepared for the apocalypse” like a shiny rock.

Bitwise, a company with $15 billion in client assets (a number so large it’s practically a metaphor for the American Dream), partnered with Proficio Capital Partners. This Boston-based firm, which manages $5 billion, boasts a co-founder who once sat in a high chair at Fidelity Investments Canada. A man of such stature, he’s practically a king in the world of finance.

Today, the debasement trade has a new weapon in its arsenal.

Introducing the Bitwise Proficio Currency Debasement ETF (NYSE: BPRO), a first-of-its-kind, actively managed investment strategy targeting assets poised to benefit from the eroding purchasing power of fiat currencies…

– Bitwise (@BitwiseInvest) January 22, 2026

Partnership and Strategy

Proficio Capital Partners, a firm so elite it probably has a butler who speaks in riddles, has been managing $5 billion since December 2025. Their co-founder, Bob Haber, once held a title so grand at Fidelity Investments Canada that it’s now a historical artifact. He’s the kind of guy who could make a spreadsheet seem like a work of art.

Bitwise’s CIO, Matt Hougan, likened the fund to a marriage of gold’s age-old scarcity and Bitcoin’s “modern digital scarcity.” One wonders if he’s trying to convince investors that this is a love story or a con. Either way, the traditional mix of stocks and bonds is “struggling,” which is just a fancy way of saying “panicking like a toddler in a candy store.”

A survey of 299 financial advisors revealed that 22% are now more worried about the dollar than a squirrel with a stolen nut. The future is bright, or at least, it’s being hedged with gold.

Market Context

BPRO enters a market where competitors like Quantify Funds’ BTGD have already been playing the same game since 2024. But BPRO’s 0.96% fee is a steal compared to BTGD’s 1.05%-a difference so minuscule it’s like comparing the weight of a feather to the weight of a feather’s shadow.

Unlike its rivals, BPRO throws in extra precious metals and mining stocks, because why settle for a single trick when you can have a whole circus? Fund managers will adjust holdings based on market conditions, which is just a fancy way of saying “we’ll try to be smart, but don’t count on it.”

Bitwise, ever the showman, also launched a Chainlink ETF on Jan. 14 and filed for 11 more crypto ETFs in late December 2025. It’s like they’re preparing for a party and forgot to invite the guests.

As investors flock to physical assets like gold, prices have soared to record highs, surpassing $4,900 per ounce. Central bank debates rage on, and Bitcoin’s status as a “safe-haven asset” is about as stable as a tightrope walker with a blindfold. But hey, if the world is ending, at least you’ll be rich.

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2026-01-23 02:21