Why Bitcoin is More Dramatic Than Your Favorite Soap Opera: A Weekly Recap!

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Ah, January! The month where everyone promises to get fit, but instead, we just watch our favorite cryptocurrency tumble like a toddler learning how to walk. This week, Bitcoin and its altcoin pals decided to take a little vacation down south, hitting new local lows-because why not, right?

Let’s take a little stroll down memory lane to last Friday. Bitcoin, cocky as ever, tried to break through that elusive $90,000 and even $91,000 resistance level. Spoiler alert: it didn’t happen. Instead, it spent the weekend wading around $89,000 like it was stuck in a kiddie pool. Then, President Trump decided to throw a tantrum, threatening Canada with a hefty 100% tariff. So naturally, BTC decided it was time to nosedive.

Fast forward to Sunday evening, when Bitcoin plummeted to a five-week low of $86,000. But wait! The bulls, bless their optimistic hearts, jumped in and helped it claw back up over four grand. By Wednesday, Bitcoin was flirting with $90,000 again. Like a bad romance novel, you just can’t seem to put it down.

But then, in classic geopolitical fashion, things got spicy again. The Federal Reserve paused interest rate cuts, which was about as impactful as your friend’s unsolicited relationship advice. And just when you thought it couldn’t get weirder, POTUS decided to rattle some sabers at Iran, which sent Bitcoin spiraling down again. Buckle up, folks!

By Thursday evening, Bitcoin had a minor freak-out, dipping below $86,000. And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, it nosedived to $81,000 today-its lowest point in over two months. But hey, it managed to bounce back to almost $83,000, so let’s call it a win? Sort of like finding a dollar in your old coat pocket, only to realize you owe ten bucks.

Even with this dramatic rollercoaster, Bitcoin is still down over 7% for the week. Other coins like ETH, XRP, SOL, DOGE, ADA, and BCH are crying in the corner, while HYPE and CC are throwing a party with double-digit gains. Life truly is unfair!

Market Data

Market Cap: $2.9T | 24H Vol: $214B | BTC Dominance: 57%

BTC: $82,700 (-7.2%) | ETH: $2,730 (-6.2%) | XRP: $1.76 (-7.3%)

This Week’s Crypto Headlines You Can’t Miss

Fidelity Chooses Ethereum For its New FIDD Stablecoin. Because what better way to show you’re serious about crypto than by launching a stablecoin? Welcome to the future, folks!

SEC Sets Clear Rules for Tokenized Securities, Splitting Them Into Two Key Categories. While they’re at it, can they clarify if my love life is also a security? Asking for a friend.

Bitcoin Hashrate Plunges as Texas Miners Forced Offline by Ice Storm. Apparently, Bitcoin isn’t a fan of snow days either. Sorry, miners!

Crypto Traders Pile Into Silver FOMO Before 15% Crash. It’s like watching your friends jump off a cliff while telling you it’s totally safe. Spoiler: it wasn’t.

‘Bitcoin Isn’t in a Bull Market:’ Expert Warns $80K Wasn’t the Bottom. Well, isn’t that just the best news to start the week?

Crypto Funds Just Bled $1.73B – The Biggest Exit Since November 2025. Looks like investors are packing their bags and heading for the hills. Can’t say I blame them!

Charts

This week, we have a chart analysis of Ethereum, Ripple, Cardano, Binance Coin, and Hyperliquid – click here for the complete price analysis. Don’t worry, it’s more exciting than it sounds!

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2026-01-30 17:16