Missouri’s Mad Dash to Hoard Bitcoin: A Farce in the Making

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In a move that smacks of both desperation and delusion, Missouri has taken up the quaint notion of amassing a Bitcoin reserve, as if the state treasury were a latter-day pirate’s chest. House Bill 2080, with all the gravitas of a three-card monte game, promises custody, donations, and the spectacle of bureaucrats dabbling in crypto.

The good burghers of Missouri, ever eager to join the bandwagon of the absurd, have advanced this legislative chimera. Following a series of failures that would make a Greek tragedy seem upbeat, they now propose a state-managed Bitcoin fund. One can only marvel at their persistence in chasing the digital will-o’-the-wisp, all in the name of “diversification”-a term that here seems synonymous with “financial roulette.”

Missouri’s House Panel: A Theatre of the Absurd

House Bill 2080, introduced during the 103rd General Assembly (a gathering that might as well have been held in a circus tent), was sponsored by Representative Ben Keathley. On February 19, 2026, it was dispatched to the House Commerce Committee, where it will no doubt undergo the sort of scrutiny typically reserved for sideshow attractions. Public hearings are anticipated, though one wonders if the public will bother to attend this particular farce.

Related Reading: Bitcoin for America Act: A Tax Break for the Digitally Deluded!

The bill, in its infinite wisdom, seeks to establish a Bitcoin Strategic Reserve Fund, to be operated under RSMo Chapter 30. The Missouri State Treasurer, presumably armed with a ledger and a prayer, will administer this endeavor. Oversight and custody will be centralized, ensuring that the state’s foray into the crypto wilderness is as chaotic as possible.

Under this proposal, the Treasurer may accept Bitcoin donations or bequests from eligible Missouri residents and governmental entities. Foreign involvement and illicit sources are, of course, verboten-a clause designed to lend an air of respectability to what is otherwise a financial free-for-all. One can almost hear the Treasurer whispering, “No funny business, now.”

The Bitcoin thus acquired must be stored in cold storage, with a mandatory holding period of five years. During this time, the assets cannot be sold, transferred, or converted-a provision that seems to misunderstand the very nature of cryptocurrency, which thrives on volatility and speculation. It is as if the state has decided to play a long game of financial freeze tag.

Custody, Payments, and the Comedy of Oversight

House Bill 2080 grants the State Treasurer the authority to invest, buy, and hold Bitcoin using state funds. US-based crypto service providers, no doubt rubbing their hands with glee, will assist in this endeavor. Security and transparency are, of course, paramount-though one suspects that in the world of crypto, these are relative terms.

The Treasurer is required to implement stringent custodial and cybersecurity measures, as well as to submit to independent audits and biennial performance reports. These disclosures will detail holdings, storage safeguards, and general fund activity-a bureaucratic exercise that will no doubt be as thrilling as watching paint dry.

The bill also simplifies the process of donating Bitcoin, with well-defined transfer procedures and a recognition program for contributors. It is a gesture that seems to say, “Thank you for participating in our grand experiment in financial whimsy.”

Perhaps most amusing is the provision allowing state and local agencies to accept cryptocurrency payments for government obligations. Taxes, fees, and fines may soon be payable in Bitcoin, provided the Department of Revenue gives its nod. One can only imagine the confusion that will ensue when citizens attempt to settle their parking tickets with digital assets.

This is Missouri’s second attempt at a Bitcoin reserve, following the failure of HB 1217 in 2025. Legislators, undeterred by past setbacks, have made revisions that emphasize custody standards and compliance protections. It is a testament to their optimism-or perhaps their stubbornness-that they persist in this quixotic quest.

If the bill passes both legislative chambers, it will proceed to Governor Mike Kehoe, with an effective date of August 28, 2026. Missouri thus joins over 15 states in exploring the idea of digital asset reserve policies, though one wonders if they are all equally misguided.

The official text of the bill and its summary can be found in the Missouri House records, where it will no doubt serve as a historical curiosity. Observers note that Bitcoin reserve proposals are both politically and economically contentious. Yet Missouri’s foray into this realm demonstrates that state-level engagement with digital asset policy continues-whether for better or for worse remains to be seen.

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2026-02-23 14:45