On February 28, 2026, the U.S. and Israel launched a joint operation that would make a particularly aggressive seagull blush, targeting Iran’s military bases, missile sites, and suspected nuclear facilities in Tehran and other cities. President Trump, who once claimed the moon was a conspiracy, described the operation as “massive and ongoing,” aimed at dismantling Iran’s missile and nuclear programs and reducing threats to regional security-by which he probably meant “making sure no one else has a better toy than us.” Israel declared a nationwide emergency, warning of potential Iranian retaliation. Which, let’s be honest, was about as likely as a penguin winning the World Cup. In response, Iran vowed a “crushing response” and closed its airspace. A move that, if successful, would have made the Great Wall of China look like a child’s drawing. Explosions and smoke in Tehran sparked global concern, sending shockwaves through markets as Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies fell sharply amid rising Middle East tensions-because nothing says “chaos” like a currency that’s basically a digital rock.
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2026-02-28 14:36