If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a crypto exchange takes a page from your grandma’s budget, here’s your answer: Gemini just trimmed 30% of its staff, leaving 445 employees to ponder their existence while AI tools do the math they’re too scared to face. The company’s 2025 net loss? A cool $585 million. That’s enough to buy a lot of NFT cat pictures-or, y’know, basic operational competence.
And let’s not forget the grand exit tour: the UK, EU, and Australia got the boot, presumably because Gemini realized global expansion is just a fancy term for “hope.” Leadership changes? More like leadership musical chairs. By now, I’m half-convinced the CEO’s LinkedIn updates faster than my Wi-Fi during a Zoom call.
At least the remaining staff can take solace in knowing they’re part of a “streamlined” future. Nothing says “efficiency” like a 6-figure quarterly revenue and a spreadsheet full of ex-employees. Welcome to the party, everyone’s bringing regret.
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2026-03-20 11:37