If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to brag online about hoarding virtual tokens instead of, say, cats or souvenir shot glasses, Marathon Digital has the answer. They announced on social media—because where else would you announce such things?—that their Bitcoin stash has hurdled the 50,000 mark. This wasn’t miraculously accomplished with luck or the help of a particularly caffeinated intern. No, it all came down to cranking up their mining muscle to a whopping 57 exahashes per second (which, for the uninitiated, is a number so astronomical it makes your WiFi look like dial-up). Now they’re basically propping up the digital economy’s version of Rome, except with fewer togas and far more servers running hot enough to fry an egg. 🥚
If you’re counting, that’s about $5.47 billion tucked away in a collection that’d make any crypto bro weep. This fortune is not only kept in company coffers but also shuffled around as loan collateral and assets under management. Yet even with all this, Marathon is still trailing behind Michael Saylor and his company, Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy, presumably shortened because time is money). Saylor has gathered more than 597,000 BTC, enough to make even Scrooge McDuck jealous. Last week, Strategy bought nearly 5,000 more coins, probably because Michael needed something to do between yachts. 🚤
But don’t expect Marathon to take the silver medal lying down. Their new mission? Hit 75 EH/s by the end of the year. Think of it as chasing a high score on a global leaderboard, but with more spreadsheets and tax headaches. If all goes according to plan, they’ll keep pumping out bitcoins and hanging on to the #2 spot—because what says “corporate ambition” quite like mining virtual gold and still being an also-ran?
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If nothing else, Marathon’s milestone screams that bitcoin isn’t just for risky day traders or your cousin Larry who’s still holding Dogecoin. Institutions are piling in—mining, managing, and occasionally flexing on Twitter. Pretty soon, these corporate bitcoin stashes will be the safest—or at least most stubborn—way to store value this side of a mattress stuffed with cash and regret. 💸
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2025-07-04 15:16