Nvidia Hits $4 Trillion, Wall Street Still Finds Time to Worry About Tariffs—You Won’t Believe #6

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Wall Street hanging out at all-time highs like it’s someone’s 10-year high school reunion. The S&P 500 is chilling next to historic peaks, investors apparently immune to “fresh” tariff tantrums, probably because Nvidia just became the first publicly listed company to hit the $4 trillion club. I mean, sudden global trade drama? Yawn. Nvidia is basically Oprah at this point: You get a trillion! You get a trillion! 🎉

The S&P 500 closed Wednesday up 0.6% and opened Thursday holding the “let’s not get carried away” line. It’s clinging to those record highs like me to my college sweatpants. Everyone’s counting on Nvidia (NVDA) to keep the vibe going, because apparently AI chips are hotter than iced coffee in July. NVDA stock, already swimming in positive vibes, led the S&P 500 to nudge up a glamorous 0.06%. Hold onto your monocles, folks.

Meanwhile, the Dow Jones is down 38 points—which is a rounding error in the world of avocado toast—and the Nasdaq mustered a heroic 0.02% bump. Consider me dazzled. 🙃

Nvidia is Basically the Beyoncé of Nasdaq Now

Nvidia’s sprint to the $4 trillion throne is more impressive than my best attempt at healthy eating. In the past month, NVDA is up 13%. This year? 17%. In five years: 1,454%. That’s less of a company and more of a video game cheat code. If only my houseplants could learn this kind of resilience.

Nvidia’s stock closed up another 1.8% on July 9, 2025, hitting $162, dragging the Nasdaq Composite to a record high—even as the S&P 500 politely advanced 6.7% so far this year (and 96% over five years, not that anyone’s counting. Except, you know, every financial news outlet.)

Now, everyone in finance will pretend to care about tariffs again: China, UK, India, EU, your cousin’s Etsy shop—nothing is safe. In a shocking turn of events, Trump suggested an extra 10% tariff on BRICS countries, in case anyone had forgotten that economists still know how to panic.

Meanwhile, the other big market news: U.S. jobless claims and the Federal Reserve, everyone’s favorite economic soap opera. If something positive comes from either, it might distract investors from the possibility of a global trade war—or, like, literally anything else that’s dramatic this week.

Some analysts are squinting suspiciously at the S&P 500’s rally and mumbling about a “potential sell signal.” Others are saying “eh, it’ll be fine,” and probably binging old episodes of Cheers while the market does its thing.

“This is a broad-based global bull market and we don’t think it’s slowing down anytime soon,” said Ryan Detrick, clearly rehearsing for the part of ‘optimistic market strategist’ in the new Broadway show ‘Markets: The Musical.’

Crypto got a strong latte: Bitcoin is now strutting around at all-time highs above $112k, dragging altcoins up with it like the World’s Strongest Man carries tree trunks. 🚀

And for anyone who still monitors commodities not named “Nvidia”: oil is down 1.5% at $67, while gold is lounging at almost $3,335, possibly practicing for its competitive napping event.

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2025-07-10 17:07