Oh, terrific, Telegram’s slapping a crypto wallet on their app using this TON blockchain thing. Now you can fling around tokens like Toncoin and USDT without hunting for some clunky extension. It’s all right there, because apparently, we needed more ways to mess up our finances without even trying. 😩
They’ve got this self-custodial nonsense, meaning you’re the one holding the bag—literally your private keys. Features? Oh, plenty: zap tokens in chats, stake ’em, trade, buy USDT for free (yeah, right), and even cash out to your bank card. Seamless? Sure, until it isn’t, and you’re left wondering why you trusted an app that’s probably listening to your every keystroke. 🤦♂️
Coming soon: scam protection! Because nothing screams reliability like adding whitelists, blacklists, and preview windows after the fact. “Oops, we forgot people might get ripped off—here’s a band-aid!” Classic move. 😂
It’s already blowing up in Asia and Europe with over 100 million people activating it. And with 87 million users in the U.S., they’re salivating over growth. Great, more folks diving into crypto chaos. What’s next, a wallet that also orders your pizza? 🍕 Or just crashes when you need it most?
This wallet’s from The Open Platform, backed by a $28.5M cash infusion from big shots like Ribbit and Pantera, bumping the valuation to $1B. Telegram’s dreaming of making this the heart of their Web3 empire. Because every app needs to be a one-stop shop for digital disasters. What could possibly go wrong? 💥
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2025-07-23 02:33