Bitcoin Plummets, Trump Tweets, and Submarines Do The Dance of Doom!

by

Bitcoin Plummets, Trump Tweets, and Submarines Do The Dance of Doom! 🚀💥

In the endless game of global chess, our dear Donald decided to spice things up—this time by sending two nuclear submarines on a scenic tour of geopolitical tension. Quite the jolly outing, really, until traders remembered that Uncle Sam’s submarines are not exactly rubber ducks. 🎩🚢

Apparently, after Dmitry Medvedev hinted that maybe, just maybe, Trump’s 10-day “demand” to end the Ukraine kerfuffle was a tad on the cheeky side, Trump took it upon himself to stir the pot. Posting on Truth Social that “Words are very important and can often lead to unintended consequences,” he might’ve inadvertently given the markets a minor heart attack. Who knew that a single tweet could shake global markets more than the latest season of “The Real Housewives”? 🤯📉

Submarine Shenanigans Send Traders into a Slight Panic

As those sneaky submarines beached closer to the epicenter of international fuss, risk assets decided to take a nosedive. Forget the bull market; it was more of a frightened waddling. Tech stocks and crypto, tightly linked like a bad marriage, both took a tumble, proving once again that politics has the subtlety of a sledgehammer. 🐂🚶‍♂️🔻

Bitcoin Takes a Dive—Below $114,000 and I Didn’t Even Shrug

In the world of digital gold, Bitcoin decided to shake the dust off its digital trousers and slide down to a humble $113,155—its lowest in quite a few weeks. Over 200 million dollars worth of long positions liquidated faster than you can say “fiscal responsibility,” as traders panicked and pulled out their borrowed funds. The crypto party, it seems, is a little more subdued, with futures premiums narrowing like a bad haircut. 💸💻

Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve’s favourite cheerleader, Adriana Kugler, decided to skedaddle early, voluntarily stepping down almost a year and a half before her turn was up. Looks like she’s headed back to her academic roots, leaving Trump a friendlier face at the Fed—possibly ready to support his whims for less interest rate shenanigans. 🤓📚

NEWS: Fed governor Adriana Kugler is resigning effective next Friday.

— Nick Timiraos (@NickTimiraos) August 1, 2025

With her departure, the Fed might just tilt in Trump’s favour, as he dreams of interest rate cuts like a kid dreamt of presents under the Christmas tree. Meanwhile, gold, that old faithful, hovers at a princely $3,350, but instead of a safe harbor, money prefers the chill of cash and Treasury bills—perhaps questioning the very sanity of this whole circus. 💰🎪

The Trump-Medvedev Rumble Continues—Moscow’s Market Grows Pale

Even with the Kremlin adopting the “stiff upper lip” approach, Moscow’s stock market took a significant nosedive once Trump’s fiery comments hit the airwaves. The duo has been exchanging verbal ukuleles on social media—days of petty jabs and jests fitting for a soap opera, with Trump calling Medvedev “the failed ex-president of Russia, who is still under the delusion that he’s in charge”. Truly, a global diplomatic soap opera. 📱🤡

Bitcoin—The Unfazed Digital Boxer

Despite the recent tumult and the submarine-shaped storm clouds, Bitcoin remains quite the resilient fellow—still sitting pretty about 7% below its July height of $123,182. For now, all eyes are glued to every tweet, military movement, and maybe even a stray pigeon carrying top secret information. The rollercoaster is only just beginning! 🎢🔍

Read More

2025-08-02 20:29