😱 Bitcoin Heist of the Century: $14.5B Gone, Larry David Facepalms 😱

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So, apparently, some geniuses at this blockchain “de-anonymizer” firm called Arkham 🕵️‍♂️ just uncovered the biggest Bitcoin heist in history. Like, who even knew Bitcoin could be stolen? Isn’t it supposed to be, I don’t know, *secure*? 🤦‍♂️

Anyway, these guys claim that back in 2020, some hackers made off with 127,426 BTC from a Chinese mining firm called LuBian. That’s $3.5 billion back then, but now it’s worth $14.5 billion. Yeah, you read that right. $14.5 BILLION. 🤑 Someone’s living the Larry David dream, minus the whole “being Larry David” part.

LuBian, apparently, was this big shot mining pool in 2020, controlling almost 6% of the Bitcoin network’s hash-rate. Big fish, right? Well, turns out they were more like a big, slow, vulnerable fish. 🐟

On December 28th, 2020, they got hit for over 90% of their BTC. Then, the next day, another $6 million in BTC and USDT got swiped. Because, you know, why stop at 90%? 🕵️‍♂️

By the 31st, they were shuffling their remaining funds to recovery wallets. Classic “too little, too late” move. ⏳

And get this – LuBian actually tried to negotiate with the hackers, offering a reward if they’d act like whitehats. Their message? “To the whitehat who is saving our asset, you can contact us through 1228btc@gmail.com to discuss the return of asset and your reward.” Yeah, because hackers totally check their Gmail for job offers. 📧

Arkham thinks LuBian used some crappy algorithm to generate their private keys, which was basically an open invitation for brute force attacks. Like, come on, guys. This isn’t your grandma’s cookie recipe. 🍪

Fast forward to today, and the hacker’s still sitting on the coins, last moved in July 2024. Probably living on a private island somewhere, laughing at the rest of us. 🏝️

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2025-08-04 12:22