An Asteroid Full of Gold, Billions for All, and Bitcoin’s Sarcastic Saviors?

You ever have one of those days where you sit down with your coffee, only to find out there’s an asteroid hurtling towards Earth stuffed full of gold? No, just me? Alright then. Well, Adam Back, the distinguished (read: suitably bearded) CEO at Blockstream and one-time email-ping-ponger with that mysterious phantom known as Satoshi Nakamoto, recently dropped what we can only call a whopper of a prediction: gold is on the chopping block, and it’s Bitcoin holding the axe. 🪓

The spark for this financial melodrama? Some news about an intergalactic nugget—the Psyche 16 asteroid—trundling our way, allegedly ladled with about $700 quintillion in gold. (Yes, “quintillion.” That’s a number that only ever gets used for distant asteroids, hypothetical viruses, or calculating just how many people actually read the Terms and Conditions. Spoiler: none.)

Samson Mow, the CEO of JAN3 and fellow traveler on this wonky crypto odyssey, gleefully pointed out (because, really, who could resist?): “That’s enough to make everyone on Earth billionaires.” IF, he notes, we could just nip into space and pop this cosmic piñata. Sounds nice in theory—until you invite economics to the party. As Adam Back grumbles (and you just know he sighed into his keyboard):

The punchline? If humanity somehow managed to, I dunno, lasso this asteroid and drag it home, there’d be so much gold floating around the price would drop faster than my hopes for flying cars after 2020. So much for swimming in pools of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck.

This leads us to Bitcoin—the party guest who never misses a chance to remind you he brought his own cutlery. Unlike gold, which could tumble out of the sky at any moment (apparently), Bitcoin’s supply isn’t going to expand unless someone figures out how to perform code magic none of us understand. It’s hard-capped at 21 million coins. And just to make the whole thing more exclusive, the reward for mining new coins gets chopped in half every four years. The last reduction happened on April 20. Yes, on 4/20. Draw any conclusions you wish.

Meanwhile, in another subplot, Elon Musk—never one to shy away from Twitter drama—has apparently toyed with the idea of inventing his own political party, the “America Party”, after Congress passed something called the “Big Beautiful Bill” (which definitely sounds like something you’d eat with gravy). The bill involves spending a wad of cash so gigantic that even your local government would blush. When someone asked the inevitable, “Will your new party love Bitcoin?” Musk replied—because why not—“Fiat is hopeless, so yes.”

Hunter Horsley, CEO of Bitwise and possibly the only man thrilled about this many Twitter notifications, declared to his fellow voyagers: “We’re entering the mainstream era.” Apparently, all it takes is an incoming gold asteroid, an errant Musk, and the unstoppable forward march of crypto evangelists declaring that if we’re all billionaires, none of us really are. 😅🚀

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2025-07-07 13:32