qfx Nubank, that audacious Brazilian sorcerer of fintech, has unveiled a new spell: the recruitment of Michael Rihani, a man whose résumé reads like a crypto grimoire. Once a high priest at Coinbase, a card-sharp at Apple, and a Bitcoin acolyte under Elon Musk’s Tesla, Rihani now dons the hat of Nubank’s Head of Crypto. One might say the air crackles with the electricity of impending innovation-or perhaps a catastrophic explosion of jargon. 🌩️
Ah, the Chat Control regulation-a plan so clever it would make a Vogon blush! 📜✨ This delightful proposal insists that even encrypted messaging platforms must scan every single private conversation for the faintest whiff of child exploitation. Because nothing says “trust us, we’re the government” like demanding access to your late-night group chats about cat memes. 🐱💬
At the Coin Center, a temple of digital gold, Peirce-dubbed “CryptoMom” by the masses-stood before the congregation, her tenure at the SEC concluded like a dying symphony. Her words dripped with the bittersweet nectar of nostalgia, for she had served her time, yet lingered pending the arrival of her successor, a replacement as uncertain as the future of DeFi itself. With a wry smile, she mused on her post-SEC ambitions: to tend bees, a metaphor for chaos and failure, or to don a T-shirt and mock the absurdity of Gensler’s legal acrobatics. “Let us register exchanges by wearing fabric!” she quipped, the crowd’s laughter a fragile shield against the storm of regulation. 🐝
On September 26, the folks at Cyber Hornet-a name that sounds like a rejected sci-fi movie title-filed paperwork with the SEC for not one, not two, but three crypto-linked ETFs. Because why stop at one when you can have a trifecta of financial mayhem? Each fund is a delightful mashup of the S&P 500 and cryptocurrencies like Ethereum (ETH), Solana (SOL), and XRP. It’s like a financial smoothie, but with more blockchain and fewer berries.
CasiTrades, in a tweet that surely no one missed, pointed out that $2.715 might just be the final low for XRP before it surges into wave 3-yes, you read that right, “surge” might happen (we’ll see about that). She argued that this price point is the bottom trendline of the current consolidation phase, and-surprise!-it wouldn’t actually make a new low during this correction. Gasp! All of this follows a rather enthusiastic rejection at the $3 resistance. Ouch, that hurt. Real tough, huh?
It’s here! The brand-new token has officially launched, making its grand debut this week with Native Markets, the team behind the Hyperliquid magic. And, oh boy, did they make a scene!
Behold! The price of SOL, this week a melancholic poet, yet the ETFs-ah, the ETFs!-pour golden coins into REXShares’ SSK, $16.2M yester-morn and $10.6M today! A veritable feast, while the masses cry, “The sky falls!” 🚀💸
It is a tale of two worlds: one where banks whisper sweet nothings to stablecoins, and another where hackers tweet like Shakespearean fools. Let us proceed, with neither hope nor despair, only curiosity.
These five mournful days of losses stride in step with a price decline of ETH, as though the coin were pensive, glancing at its own boots and sighing about the weather.
Now, according to the ED, Kundra wasn’t just holding these digital treasures as some sort of collector’s item; no, he was allegedly the *beneficial* owner. And here we thought it was only in Monopoly that players got to be “banker” without ever touching any actual money. But it doesn’t stop there-Kundra is accused of playing the classic game of “hide and seek” with crucial evidence, failing to surrender the Bitcoins like a responsible adult, and *oh*-attempting to pull off a financial sleight of hand with his wife, the glamorous Shilpa Shetty, in what can only be described as a creative way of laundering funds. Because nothing says “legitimate business” like a financial arrangement with your spouse.
