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In the grand tradition of humanity’s greatest achievements (and blunders), Nelnet-a company that apparently treats “data security” as a suggestion-suffered a cyberattack in August 2022. Bonus points: they also run a web portal and payment system for others. Because nothing says “trustworthy” like outsourcing your incompetence. 💸
On the fateful day of January 16, the astute on-chain investigator, ZachXBT, unveiled the monumental theft, which tragically siphoned off the victim’s digital fortune, consisting of 2.05 million Litecoin (LTC) and 1,459 Bitcoin (BTC). One can hardly fail to appreciate the irony of it all-trusting one’s fortune to a mere piece of hardware! 🎭
Mark thy calendars, dear traders, for at 08:30 UTC, the gates of new positions shall slam shut faster than a miser’s wallet. Close thy open positions, lest thou be subjected to the cruel embrace of forced settlement! 🛑
Bitcoin’s futures market has seen a shift in momentum, as derivatives data now points to a return of buy-side activity. 🤑
Ah, the modern tragedy! A crypto investor, presumably clutching their hardware wallet like a Dickensian orphan with a crust of bread, lost a staggering $282 million to a social engineering scam. The incident, reported by the ever-vigilant ZachXBT, unfolded at the stroke of 23:00 UTC on January 10-a time when most sensible people are sipping tea or plotting their own financial ruin.
Most altcoins are slouching like they’re waiting for a bus that’ll never come. ETH? Still stuck in the 3k zone. XRP? Defending $2.05 like it’s the last slice of pizza. And XMR? Oh, XMR’s having a meltdown. 🤯
The alarm was sounded by Manhattan’s District Attorney, Mr. Alvin L. Bragg, Jr., a man clearly overburdened with the cares of the state, and State Senator Zellnor Myrie. They seem to believe cryptocurrency is, and I quote, “urgent” to regulate. One wonders what grave societal ill is being averted; are rogue Bitcoin traders threatening the foundations of the republic?
Sales figures? Meh. But the real story? The sheer number of souls diving headfirst into this digital abyss. NFT buyers skyrocketed by 120.90% to 134,743, while sellers weren’t far behind, rising by 98.69% to 111,756. And all this while Bitcoin clawed its way back to $95K and Ethereum danced past $3,200. 🕺
In the land of crypto, where fortunes rise and fall like the tides of the Dnieper, a poor soul hath fallen prey to the cunning of a digital brigand. More than $500,000 in USDT, a treasure fit for a tsar, hath vanished into the ether, never to return. Alas, a simple mistake, a moment of inattention, and the gold turned to dust! 🌪️
In a move that’s more audacious than a Polish cowboy in a space suit, Strive Inc. (Nasdaq: ASST) just closed the deal on Semler Scientific Inc. (Nasdaq: SMLR). Why? Because they’re not just in the healthcare game-they’re in the bitcoin game, baby! And they’re playing to win! 🎲🔥