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After the ignominious fall of custodial behemoths-those FTX giants and flaming Celsius-our beloved crypto realm hath embraced the noble art of self-custody! But lo, the olden ways of seed phrases-oh, those brittle incantations!-fade like a bad actor’s reputation! Up rises cleverer, sturdier recovery sorcery.

If approved, stablecoins like $USDC and $USDT would be treated as traditional collateral, like cash or US Treasurys in regulated derivatives markets. 🎩🎩

A few of the altcoin dominoes, which otherwise were gracefully tumbling downwards, took the unexpected opportunity to defy the downward trend, with ASTER and Immutable (IMX) emerging as the breakout candidates of the intergalactic stock exchange.

Ah, the glamour of high society! Picture this: a glittering assembly at the Royal Palace Banquet Hall, where the star of salons and scalp wonders-Javed himself-whipped up a congregation of about 150 hopeful souls, all eager to turn their hair dreams into dollar signs via Bitcoin and Binance. Yes, while some men scale the heights of fashion, others are scaling the heights of fraud, promising unprecedented returns of fifty to seventy-five percent within a year, enchanted by Habib’s reputation like cats in a fishmonger’s window.

It appears our bold adventure begins with a purchase of 3,650 Bitcoin at an average of $105,300 per coin-surely a figure that would make the famous Winklevoss brothers smile, or perhaps sigh with envy. With high-profile backers like Cameron, Tyler, FalconX, and the ever-wealthy Ricardo Salinas, the company is not just throwing stones but launching a veritable digital artillery of financial acumen. Between them and the U.S. asset giants, Off the Chain and ParaFi Capital, OranjeBTC’s plans seem as solid as a well-placed bet at the roulette wheel-except, of course, this wheel is spinning on blockchain rather than casino floors.

Well, let’s just say the deal fortifies ETHZilla’s balance sheet as though it were a castle under siege. This newly minted capital joins millions in Ethereum, cash, U.S. Treasuries, protocol tokens, and shares. The company seems to be swimming in assets, and oh, how deliciously reassuring that is!

Bolivia, a land where currency controls once choked the air like a poorly-tied cravat, now finds its citizens whispering sweet nothings to stablecoins. Why, you ask? Because when your fiat currency waltzes with inflation like it’s a tango partner, a dollar-pegged token starts looking as appealing as a cold martini at a desert soiree. 🍸

Wall Street, that grand hall of dusty money wizards, has been as committed to crypto as a cat to a bath. But now, Morgan Stanley is throwing its hat into the ring, partnering with a digital asset “wizard” named Zerohash. Let’s just hope they don’t turn our savings into digital confetti. 🎉

This new marvel allows users to earn Bitcoin on every purchase, a feat akin to finding gold in your coffee ☕. Fold promises up to 3.5% back in Bitcoin, with 2% instantly and 1.5% more if you play nice with their checking account. A limited-time offer, of course, because greed must be tempered by corporate ethics. 🤷♂️

Now, out of those 203, they’ve already frozen or taken crypto from 161 individuals, and the recovered loot? Oh, about 1.5 billion won-or $1.1 million for those of you not keeping score in Korean won. Pretty decent haul for a bunch of tax dodgers, eh? 💸