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Friday, that day of financial judgement, promises to be a veritable circus. According to the ever-persuasive Jean-David Péquignot at Deribit, $40 billion worth of BTC options are up for expiry, 38% of them teetering on the brink, like debutantes at their first disappointing dance. “Max pain” — that most deliciously sadistic phrase — is set at $102,000. And what, pray tell, is the put/call ratio? A dainty 0.73. What does it mean? Certainly everything, and definitely nothing!

This week, Dr. Cat unleashed his summer forecast, which is either an invitation to buy an island or burn your wallet for warmth. “If BTC hits a daily high between June 25-27, but it’s a lower high—a lower low should follow,” he proclaimed, as if reading constellations on a Ouija board. Basically, if Bitcoin doesn’t outshine its mediocre cousin from last week, it might just swan-dive into darkness until you start drinking iced coffee out of a shoe.

Introducing Permissioned DEX on the XRP Ledger: Unlocking Institutional Access to DeFi

Yet in this grand spectacle of progress and panic, people miss Ethereum’s quiet, slow-cooked purpose. Its strategy is not one of instant comfort, but of patient, decentralized invention. You thought progress was a neat affair? Decentralization is what happens when nobody wants to wash the dishes and yet, somehow, dinner still gets made. 🍽️

In his latest fireside pronouncement, the venerable Kevin (known in less exclusive circles as @Kev_Capital_TA) stitched together a tapestry of impressive-sounding technical gibberish, noting that the Shiba Inu’s finest squiggle, having bounced valourously from the $0.14 dog park, now balances on the very nose of Fate: the weekly 200 SMA, the weekly 200 EMA, and—one for the numerically inclined—the macro 0.382 Fib. “Make-or-break,” says Kevin. Call me old-fashioned, but isn’t this always the case with Dogecoin?

Elsewhere across this grand digital masquerade, lesser coins (one hesitates to call them ‘altcoins’, as if they’re a class of mushrooms) are basking in their own reflected glory. Notably, Ethereum has rather smugly ascended above $2,400, which coincidentally is enough to pay for a year’s supply of witty Twitter bots. Bravo, Ether!

Here’s the deal: SOL clung to $125 like a lifeline, and then—poof—it’s up, just like Bitcoin and Ethereum. Everyone’s excited. Above $132? Sure. Bulls flexed and managed to push up to $145. But now, it’s stuck at $148 or $150, like a guy at a club who can’t get past the bouncer.

How did this happen? Was it dark magic, a strategic masterstroke, or did someone just accidentally click “Duplicate Wallets” too many times? Let’s investigate 🕵️.

SHIB, that legendary offspring of the meme gods, rose today not like a Phoenix, but like someone who’s just realized their mother-in-law is arriving for the weekend. Up 8%! Even the pigeons in Patriarch’s Ponds are gossiping about it. 🐦

But lo! Only yester-morn, our enterprising financiers, not content with mere modesty, seized 1,111 new Bitcoins as if picking apples in autumn. And now, with their “555 Million Plan” (for who settles for small, unremarkable numbers?), Metaplanet charges forth, aiming for a staggering 210,000 coins by 2027. Pray, does Molière spot a touch of ambition here? Or simply a penchant for the grandiose?