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The digital grapevine, now known as X, buzzes with whispered scandals and open jabs.

With the backing of titans such as Galaxy Digital and Multicoin Capital, this gambit displays a confidence so palpable one could slice it with a dull spoon! Forward’s stocks soared-6%-like a jolly kite dancing in the summer winds, and the market, seemingly in rapture, has kept the ascent steady. One might ponder if this news was delivered on a golden platter or with the flamboyance of a grand masquerade ball! 🥳

Now, before we all get carried away imagining dancing crypto ETFs in our portfolios, let’s just hit pause. The fact that these tickers have been registered by the DTCC is a step in the right direction. But *newsflash*: It doesn’t mean they’re officially greenlit. The DTCC just adds them to the security eligibility list as part of prepping them for launch. But, let’s be real-regulatory decisions, especially from the big boss SEC, are still pending. ⏳

According to Bloomberg’s financial forensics, Gemini IPO decided to sell roughly 15.2 million shares at an impressive $28 per share. Somehow they managed to sell on the street for just $24 to $26. Because, you know, price tags are suggestions. 🐰

According to a Sept. 11 post on X by Ethena (ENA) founder Guy Young, the decision follows direct conversations with validators and delegates who raised doubts over Ethena’s focus and alignment with Hyperliquid’s (HYPE) ecosystem. 🤔

Our dashing protagonist, Paul Atkins, the head honcho of the U.S Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), has declared from his velvet throne that most “crypto tokens are not securities” – yes, you heard it, darlings, not securities! It’s almost like telling your mother-in-law her fuss is unnecessary. Capital can now sashay onto the blockchain catwalk without tripping over red tape.

Over the last seven suns and moons, the RWA market cap has seen a remarkable ascent, soaring from a humble $67 billion to a titanic near $76 billion by Friday, as if the very essence of wealth had decided to play hide and seek, only to be found on CoinMarketCap. This whimsical tale of numbers leaves one wondering – are we counting tokens or gold? 🪙

Right, so this NPM thing… apparently, it involved a bit of mischievous code sneaking into the JavaScript Package Manager. For a few hours, the doom-and-gloom brigade went absolutely bonkers, predicting a colossal heist of epic proportions. That Charles Guillemet chap at Ledger even told people to STOP sending money around! Can you imagine? Stopping money! The sheer audacity! 😲

Robinhood’s crypto nominal volumes have been on a downward spiral since November 2024 (yes, we’re talking about *last year*), briefly perking up in July before crashing harder than your New Year’s resolutions in August. But hey, at least they bought Bitstamp for $200 million, right? That’s what you call “buying competition.” 🤦‍♂️

Bitcoin, that old grump, stumbles upward like a tipsy bear, clinging to its “position of potential reversal” as if it were a life raft. The analyst, with a grin wider than a babushka’s babushka, claims that if the CPI data “comes in weak today,” the markets will “rip” like a poorly sewn coat in a storm. One must wonder: Is this a prophecy or a plea for chaos? Only the fates know.