qfx So, here’s the tea: analysts from big banks (you know, the ones wearing suits and pretending they know everything) predict the Fed will chop rates by 0.25% in September. Then, like a holiday sale that just won’t quit, another 0.25% off in December. And possibly one more early next year because why stop when you’re on a roll? 🛍️✂️
Bitcoin clung to just under $112,000 on Monday as traders mentally performed complex calculations involving whales, wallets, and wishful thinking. This was following the biggest whale sell-off in more than two years-basically a financial equivalent of a goldfish forgetting where its castle is-against a backdrop of long-term accumulation and surprisingly resilient altcoin sidekicks.
The esteemed SEC, ever so deliberate in its proceedings, announced on September 8th that the public comment period has begun-a mere formality, some might say, but one fraught with anticipation. For such matters, the agency typically takes 45 days to render judgment, though extensions are not uncommon, stretching the suspense to a full 240 days. Oh, how time drags when fortunes hang in the balance! ⏳
This CleanCore bunch isn’t just buying digital pups for fun. No, sir! They want 1 billion DOGE in a month, then a hefty paw on 5% of all circulating DOGE, God willing and the creek don’t rise. It’s a plan bold enough to make your cousin Ed, who still denies Bitcoin, choke on his beef jerky.
In his annual state-of-the-nation speech (or as I like to call it, “The Great Kazakh Monologue”), he dropped the bombshell: a $1 billion investment plan to turn Kazakhstan into the Paris of the digital asset world. 🥂💸 Apparently, the National Bank’s Investment Corporation is about to become the hottest new fund manager in town, with a State Digital Asset Fund that’s basically their version of a crypto Birkin bag. 👜✨
But wait! There’s more! Not only does USDH come with compliance options under the obscurely named GENIUS Act (because what could possibly go wrong when “genius” is in the title?), Sky is throwing $25 million at it-yes, million with a capital M-to make DeFi grow like a Chameleon’s worst nightmare. The whole plan involves a dizzying $2.2 billion in instant liquidity, which is basically the financial equivalent of showing up at a party with enough drinks to host the universe.
Recently, Ethereum dropped below $4,300, which is apparently a “critical demand zone”-a phrase that would make any finance bro’s heart race and spill his oat milk latte. According to Crypto Analyst ProfitMagnet (never trust a person who sounds like a kitchen appliance), all eyes are on whether ETH can do something interesting besides consolidate harder than my thighs in June.
Over the last few years, the Web3 gaming sector has undergone a significant transformation, moving from a period of hype and speculative play-to-earn (P2E) models toward a focus on sustainability, improved gameplay, and better infrastructure. Web3 game developers largely view the current market correction as a healthy and necessary reset. It’s like when you have a bad hangover, and you swear off the cheap stuff forever.
These new “things” apparently went live this Tuesday. A Tuesday! Like anyone was holding their breath.
In a remote chat from New York at a crypto event hosted by Upbit in Seoul (you know, casual international video calls, no big deal), Eric Trump dropped some serious predictions about the digital asset game. His pitch? Bitcoin could be the next big thing-better than gold and probably even your dad’s precious real estate investments. 🚀
