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Ah, the sweet irony! While others freeze their hands or begin to shed assets when prices dip, our brave souls at BitMine continue piling up ETH, perhaps in a desperate pursuit of some elusive, mythical 5% of the supply. Last week, ETH tumbled from $3,170 to below $2,800-nature’s way of reminding everyone that fortunes can turn as swiftly as a gambler’s luck.

In the meantime, Bitcoin (BTC) has strutted its stuff and surged to a staggering $90,000! Meanwhile, the cumulative market cap of all cryptos known to CoinGecko has inflated by a modest 2% to a staggering $3.12 billion-nothing to sneeze at, I assure you. Tokens like Audiera, Terra, Monad, and Midnight are basking in newfound glory beside the crypto campfire.

Analyst Mark Palmer, with a wink and a nod, proclaims that the structure, counterparties, and cash-flow quality set HUT’s deal apart from the recent wave of AI data center agreements. He doth reiterate his “buy” rating and lifts his price target to $85 from $77, suggesting a 93% upside from Friday’s close of $44.12. Shares, in a premarket frolic, rise by 2.8% to $45.34. 🎢💹

Behold, the mighty Bitmex has witnessed a 53,255% surge in Dogecoin futures volume, which is roughly the same as a toddler discovering a bag of confetti. $260.34 million in 24 hours? Clearly, someone’s been binge-watching The Wolf of Wall Street and forgot to pause for snacks. 🧃💰

Thus unfolds the eternal debate-shall the cold, calculating minds of quantum machines unravel the digital gold rush? Or is this merely another tempest in a teapot, a modern-day parable of Chicken Little shouting “The sky is mathematically falling!”?

In the labyrinth of decentralized dreams, Aave Labs and its DAO brethren find themselves locked in a tango of mistrust. The proposal, a brainchild of Ernesto Boado, sought to wrest control of Aave’s crown jewels-domains, trademarks, and social handles-from the grasp of Aave Labs, placing them in the hands of the DAO. Yet, the manner of its advancement smacked of a midnight coup, with Boado himself crying foul, his name dragged through the mud of haste and secrecy.

It is, perhaps, a comedy of errors-or a tragedy-when a nation, once wealthy in black gold, now tries to sell its riches in bits and bytes. The clever economist Asdrubal Oliveros, with a twinkle in his eye and a shrug, proclaims that nearly 80% of all the Venezuelan oil-yes, the stuff that once fueled the world-is now paid for with USDT. Who needs the old-fashioned dollar or euro when one can settle debts with a stablecoin that’s perhaps more stable than the government itself?

In a recent X post that screamed “look how responsible we are!”, UXLINK vowed to spend a chunk of monthly profits buying back at least 1% of its token supply. These tokens will then be tucked into Strategic Reserves™️-a fancy term for “we’re hoarding them until we figure out what to do with our life choices.”

Now, let’s talk about this USD1 from World Liberty Financial. With a $2.72 billion market cap and the Treasury’s backing, it’s like the stablecoin equivalent of a trusty dwarf with a crossbow-reliable, if a bit dull. And it’s all under BitGo custody, which is just a fancy way of saying “we’ve got a dragon guarding the gold.” 🐉

This whole debacle is being led by Republican Representative Mike Carey. Like, who coordinates a group like this? They’re urgently asking for some clarity because, you know, taxes are confusing enough without adding a bunch of technical blockchain stuff.