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A death cross, for those not fluent in crypto doomspeak, is basically the technical pattern equivalent of a “Dear John” letter. 📉 It’s like the universe saying, “Hey, Stellar, maybe sit this one out.” And let’s not forget the declining investor confidence—because nothing says “trust me” like a 12.43% drop in trading volume to a measly $845.92 million. 💸

According to a Tuesday Fortune report, the FBI’s probe into allegations of Powell hacking and cyberstalking the Verge Center for the Arts—a nonprofit he helped birth in 2008—has ended. The drama, as rich as a poorly translated Russian novel, unfolded with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Powell, ever the protagonist in his own tragedy, denied the accusations with the fervor of a man who’d rather be discussing Ethereum than his own misfortunes. He even filed a civil suit against Verge’s board, because what’s a good story without a lawsuit? 📜

Currently, FUNToken is trading around $0.0100, with a 24-hour trading volume of about $15 million and a market cap of nearly $108 million. That’s right, folks, this little token is packing a punch. The consistent investor confidence is tied to its steady adoption across gaming, DeFi, and community engagement. It’s like a triple threat in the crypto world! 💪💰🎮

The DOJ, ever the drama queen, has closed the book on this particular mystery. Also, they returned a dozen of his devices. One can only imagine the relief of having your personal tech handed back after a raid. It’s like getting your favorite socks back from the dry cleaners—except the dry cleaners were the FBI. 🧼👮‍♂️

On that fateful day of July 22, SharpLink Gaming, the undisputed gladiator of crypto, announced it had siphoned off 79,949 Ether (ETH) during its latest spree—a veritable flood of digital currency that places it firmly atop the throne as the greatest corporate ETH hoarder with a staggering total of 360,807 tokens at a market value of around $1.3 billion. ⚔️

the Central Bank president and Finance Minister confess that Bitcoin stocks remain unchanged, barring minor dalliances in March. And oh, that footnote nine—a sly footnote, indeed—hints that increases are but consolidations across wallets, meaning no fresh acquisitions since February 2025. How poetic! The economy shows positive signs, earning El Salvador a hefty disbursement, as they abandon Bitcoin for the IMF’s embrace. Truly, a shift from digital dreams to dollar reality. 💸😅

XRP has been flexing its muscles lately, enjoying a hearty 25% gain over the last week and an eye-watering 70% rise since January. That’s more up-and-down drama than my social life! Reportedly, digital asset investment products saw an inflow of $4.39 billion last week – the highest on record. Did someone say ‘money party’? 🎉

Prepare to be dazzled, for the Ether Machine is poised to debut with a grotesquely generous stockpile of more than 400,000 ETH—presumably enough to make it the largest publicly traded conduit for institutional envelopment in the second most beloved (and most maligned) cryptocurrency. Truly, a figure that could make even the most jaded banker childhood’s dreams of digitized grandeur.

Ripple (XRP) token soared to a dizzying height of $3.6510, up by over 125% from its lowest point in April. This surge has vaulted its market capitalization past the $207 billion mark, a figure that would make even the most stoic of investors gasp in astonishment. 💰

The estimable MetaMask, that most “everything” of wallets, has deigned to partner with Transak, a provider of payment frameworks, a union that promises to simplify the acquisition of these… *digital assets*.