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Crypto cons are multiplying like rabbits in a warren, and the bigwigs—those self-proclaimed guardians of the web—seem content to twiddle their thumbs. On that fateful Monday, July 21, 2025, our unfortunate hero signed away their Uniswap NFTs in a moment of folly, thanks to a phishing pitfall. And don’t get me started on how these deceptions infest Google Ads like weeds in a neglected garden. 😏

Given that 2.8 years of devotion out of a mere 5-year existence is, if nothing else, a testament to some extreme patience—or perhaps sheer stubbornness—this suggests a demographic shift amongst the SHIB fraternity. Rather than just a motley crew of day traders chasing fleeting fortunes, it appears we are witnessing the evolving of a committed tribe displaying admirable long-term conviction. How quaint! 🧐

They’ve done it all *secretly*, mind you. A “confidentially submitted draft registration statement on Form S-1”. Honestly, the names these people come up with! It means they want to sell shares, but they haven’t decided how many or for how much. They’re still figuring it out, like children with building blocks. Utterly chaotic!

And now, to add fuel to the fire of anxious deliberation, we are presented with intelligence concerning the movements of certain…substantial holders of Bitcoin. It appears these ‘whales’, as they are so charmingly termed, have been transferring vast quantities of their holdings to the exchanges—a disconcerting increase of nearly seventeen billion pounds in but four days! Such activity, one recalls, often precedes either a flurry of profit-taking or, heavens forbid, a period of unsettling volatility. 💸

With over $71B of Bitcoin now on the books and $MSTR stock soaring over 3,500% in just five years (yes, you read that right), Strategy’s bet is looking pretty smart. Who needs luck when you’ve got numbers doing all the talking? Now, with those numbers, the company’s eyeing the ultimate prize – a seat at the S&P 500 table. 😎

After breaking through the velvet ropes at the resistance levels of $2.40 and $2.80, XRP erupted toward the $3.50 threshold, giving birth to a veritable parade of high-volume candles that could rival a birthday cake on a sugar high. 🎉 But lo and behold, while the price holds firm as a bedrock, a nasty little critical divergence has begun to form, lurking beneath the surface like an unwelcome surprise guest at a dinner party. And what’s this? Trading volume has been declining steadily since everything peaked—like a soufflé that just couldn’t hold its shape!

Saylor and his merry band at Strategy, who seem to have more bitcoins than a pirate’s treasure chest, added yet another shiny coin to their collection this week. On Sunday, the Strategy founder, ever the tease, hinted at a new purchase while the company was already sitting pretty on about 601,550 BTC. “Strategy has acquired 6,220 BTC for ~$739.8 million at ~$118,940 per bitcoin and has achieved a BTC Yield of 20.8% YTD 2025,” Saylor announced to the world on X. “As of 7/20/2025, we hodl 607,770 BTC acquired for ~$43.61 billion at ~$71,756 per bitcoin.”

Now, hold onto your hats, for Dom Kwok, the sage of EasyA, proclaims that the exorbitant costs of Bitcoin and Ethereum hath driven many an eager newbie straight into the waiting arms of cheaper tokens. One glance at a Bitcoin worth more than a small car and one can hardly blame them! XRP, dear reader, presents a chance to wear the mantle of big-league player without the heart-stopping sticker shock. It’s like trading in a rickety wagon for a shiny new horse—without the remorseful dent in the wallet.

Dogecoin, with all the grace of a sloth on a caffeine high, has surged since July 15, when it rested briefly at $0.1884. For six consecutive days, it’s been climbing steadily, like a toddler figuring out how to walk—except, you know, with more market volatility. Early Monday saw it reaching $0.279, a new high, a symbol of the power of digital dreams. Forget about walking; it’s practically running now!

After months of playing the “I’m stuck between $2,500 and $3,000” game, Ethereum finally decided it’s time to break out and show us its rebellious side. Volume’s up, candles are closing higher than a caffeine addict at 3 AM, and institutional and retail support are like a couple that can’t stop posting couple pics. The breakout above $3,030 set this whole thing in motion. Welcome to the show, folks. 🎬💰