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And what of this union? Picture it: an all-stock spectacle, with the company retaining its sparkling moniker, American Bitcoin. Founders Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr., in their infinite wisdom, along with Hut 8, will command a whopping 98% of what may or may not become the next Silicon Valley-and maybe even the internet’s favorite new meme. Asher Genoot, the czar of Hut 8’s CEO, whispers sweet nothings to Reuters, promising a swift marriage, with trading to commence in early September-fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be one rollercoaster of a crypto-love story.

The officials, those stoic guardians of the blockchain, “confirmed” the suspension, as if merely acknowledging the obvious. And, bless their diligently typing fingers, they’ve since “restored” the service. A rather bland verb, “restored”, don’t you think? It lacks a certain… je ne sais quoi. A touch of frantic urgency, perhaps? But, alas, and here’s the sting in the tail, futures trading remains stubbornly, exquisitely unavailable.

“All futures trading is temporarily unavailable,” Binance announced on X, with the air of a doctor delivering bad news. Their team, we are assured, is working to resolve the matter. One can only hope they’re not using a Ouija board. 👻

Pal, with the enthusiasm of a man who’s just discovered a new type of chart, shared visuals of XRP forming various long-term patterns: falling wedges, descending triangles, and other geometric curiosities that would make Euclid himself blush. 📉🔺 Indeed, XRP appears to be an artist trapped in its own technical renaissance.

The advisory clarifies the Foreign Board of Trade (FBOT) registration framework, allowing non-US exchanges to provide direct market access to US customers. One can almost hear the sigh of relief from crypto companies that were forced to set up shop overseas due to regulatory uncertainty 🌎.

On the 28th day of August-a date chosen with the solemnity of a tsar’s tea party-the CFTC declared its allegiance to Part 48 regulations. Foreign platforms may now register as FBOTs (Foreign Boards of Trade, not For-Benefit-Of-Turgenev) instead of the dreaded DCMs. Digital assets? Included. Drama? Abundant.

“Here’s every move Cathie Wood and Ark Invest made in the stock market today 8/27”

Cathie Wood’s ARK Invest, armed with the financial recklessness of a poet in love, injected $15.6 million into Bitmine Immersion Technologies (BMNR) last week, swelling its total stake past $300 million. 💸

After finding synthetic sanctuary near $192, SOL boldly shrugged off the crypto likes of Bitcoin and Ethereum-like a rebellious child daring to outshine its elders. Surging beyond $200, it entered a short-lived but shiny positive zone, even shattering the $205 wall-leaving the bears scratching their heads and the bulls chuckling with glee.

Speaking at the Manila Tech Summit on Wednesday, Aquino explained that the proposed measure seeks to log all government budget transactions on-chain, where they would be viewable by citizens. Because nothing says “trust us” like a public ledger that’s as easy to read as a spreadsheet written in hieroglyphs. 🧠