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And at the heart of it all, Chainlink. Still. Always. The unwavering titan. Santiment’s little scoring game gives LINK a rating above 280. A veritable mountain of activity! Unsurprising, really, when you consider they’re hauling around nearly $10 billion in market value. A big boat needs a big crew, eh? 🚢

“XRP Army. Are you prepared for the baptism of fire?

This update is like watching the dawn of a new age in finance. Who’s ready for crypto to walk down the aisle of institutional approval? 🎉

In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s been paying attention to Stripe’s crypto shopping spree, the team behind Valora is packing their bags and heading to Stripe HQ. Valora founder Jackie Bona, in a blog post that was probably written while sipping a latte made from blockchain-verified beans, said, “We’ve seen firsthand how access to stablecoins and crypto rails can expand economic opportunity.” Translation: “We saw Stripe’s wallet and got excited.” 🤑

Let’s be real-accepting crypto is not just a cool thing to do anymore. Customers expect it. You want to stay in business, don’t you? Well, crypto payments are the key to being the modern, savvy business owner your customers deserve. Plus, with a solid payment processor, it’s easier than a Sunday morning.

Q1 was déjà vu all over again. They missed by $22 million, proving that 2025 is the year GameStop mastered the art of “meh.” And remember when they pivoted to Bitcoin? The stock briefly hit $35, then crashed harder than a gamer’s hopes during a server outage. 🕹️🔥

To add some drama to the mix, the unrealized profit of a mere $19 million comes after the company took a hit of $9.4 million when Bitcoin’s value plummeted to a meager $80K. Oh, the thrill of investing in a volatile asset. GameStop, however, confirmed that it didn’t make any further buys or sales during Q3. Maybe they were too busy playing Call of Duty to bother with Bitcoin. 🎮

Enter Kevin Hassett, a man who could easily moonlight as a fortune-teller or perhaps a prophet of Babylon, whispering sweet nothings about “plenty of room” for interest rate cuts. A true contender for Fed chair, he’s making a case that we’re just warming up-like a cat eyeing a fish-ready to pounce again on those rates. Meanwhile, our dear Jerome Powell has been criticized for dragging his heels, apparently more interested in playing chess with the economy than opening doors to riches.

“Uncertainty about the economic outlook remains elevated,” says the Fed-because what’s not uncertain these days? They’re also saying, “Hey, maybe job stuff is a bit more risky than usual,” while acting as if everything’s perfectly fine. Classic.

In the cold, sterile chambers of San Francisco, a startup-an anarchic child of ambition-has conjured up a specter called Surf. Led by the shadowy figure of Pantera Capital, with dabblings from Coinbase Ventures and DCG-capitalists eager to chase the next spectral coin-they spill their secrets in a press release that reads more like a confession than a proclamation.