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Ah, Bitcoin (BTC), that enigmatic beast of numbers and code, decided to hover around $114K on Wednesday afternoon. Meanwhile, the stock market flailed like a fish out of water across all major indices for the second day in a row. And let’s not forget Palantir Technologies (Nasdaq: PLTR), which decided to shed 2% in 24 hours and over 15% in five days. Poor thing-it’s like watching someone try to parallel park in a clown car. 🚗🤡

According to her ladyship, the Senate Banking Committee shall endeavor (mark my words, *endeavor*) to advance said bill by the end of September, leaving the Agriculture Committee to tidy up loose ends in October. Their mission? To clarify the roles of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) in overseeing digital assets. One might wonder whether these committees are better suited to regulating corn futures or crypto tokens, but who am I to judge? 😅

But the true drama unfolded not in candle charts, rather in the drawing-room of social media, where the Wormhole Foundation, wearing creased gloves of courtesy, proposed to sweep Stargate off its feet-scorning rival LayerZero’s dowry of one-hundred-ten million dollars as “miserly, my dear, fit for a grocer, not a princess”.

Binance, ever the showman, has upgraded its wares and launched developer programs, pushing its ecosystem up 0.64%. Perpetuals volume, meanwhile, has surged 74%, compelling short traders to abandon their posts like a troupe of deserting chorus girls. The result? A flurry of buying, as if the market were hosting a Black Tie Soirée for altcoins.

Real-world assets and decentralized finance are becoming best buds. On Wednesday, August 20, Centrifuge officially launched decentralized RWA tokens on Aerodrome, one of the largest DEXs on Base (BASE). This move makes RWAs tradable and usable as collateral on DeFi platforms across EVM chains. 🤝💰

Ever the picture of patience, Arbitrum has been confining itself to a descending channel of relentless lower highs and lows, like a bureaucrat stuck in slow motion. But, lo and behold, the recent activity hints there might be a flicker of hope-pressure mounting as if the crypto universe is holding its breath before the great bang. The mid-range tests could turn into a true breakout or just another polite refusal-because nothing says excitement like a sideways stroll in the park, isn’t it?

This decline isn’t just about Ethena; no, it’s caught up in the cosmic chaos of U.S. inflation fears and geopolitical drama that makes even soap operas look tame 📉🌍. Profit-taking has left short-term holders feeling as abandoned as a towel on Towel Day 🛏️. The big question now: Can $0.61 hold as a support level, or will it crumble faster than Arthur Dent’s patience with Zaphod Beeblebrox? 🤔

Emails zoom around the globe faster than a New York minute, but money? Oh no, it’s like a tortoise on a Sunday stroll. Payments can take days, especially if you’re trying to send cash across borders. And don’t even get me started on weekends or holidays. It’s like money is on vacation while we’re all just sitting here, waiting. Trillions of dollars are just sitting there, twiddling their thumbs, not earning a dime. What a waste!

Plot twist: despite the skies darkening, people are still rage-shopping SHIB like it’s Black Friday on roller skates-volume’s up 17 %. That’s right, degens are HODLing harder than my mother holds grudges. If volume were cake, this would be the four-tiered prank you bring to an HR meeting: confusing and probably not FDA-approved. Coin’s at $0.00001214 as I write, down just enough to make you regret yesterday’s latte and last week’s euphoria.