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Yet, as DonAlt sighs into his Twitter scroll, this reprieve is but a bandage on a bleeding wound. The daily chart, he concedes, is “fixed”-a temporary truce. But lo! The weekly and monthly charts remain “under pressure,” their structures trembling like a spiderweb in a hurricane. Bitcoin, that fickle lover, must now sprint to $94,000 to spare the weekly chart from collapse and then cling to $95,000 by month’s end. Ten days. Ten days to prove it’s not just a crypto ghost haunting the ruins of 2024.

The 50-week moving average, that venerable line on a chart, was once the unshakable pillar of this cycle’s edifice. Now, it lies trampled, a fallen general in a financial war. The four-year cycle theorists, those soothsayers of the blockchain, cackle with grim satisfaction as BTC’s descent begins. Institutions, once bullish as a Cossack horde, now flee like rabbits, selling ETH with the enthusiasm of a drunkard selling his last shirt. The AI hype? A flickering candle in the wind. Rate cuts? A mirage. And if equities falter, BTC may plummet to $84,000-a price so absurd it could make a serf laugh. 🐾 But lo! Amid this chaos, the “smart money” scurries toward utility tokens, as if salvation lies in a neobank app and a Visa card. How poetic.

Ark Invest added $39.6 million to its holdings of three crypto company shares on Wednesday as the broader crypto market dropped. Because nothing says “confidence” like throwing money at a burning building. 🔥

The Basel Committee’s Chair, Pablo Hernández de Cos, recently warned that the global banking rules governing cryptocurrencies are hopelessly outdated. According to a report from the Financial Times, de Cos said that the framework adopted in 2022 is “so last year” in the fast-moving world of crypto. You see, digital assets evolve quicker than you can say “blockchain.”

Behold, the sage Peter Brandt, a man whose charts are as ominous as a storm cloud on the horizon, warns of a broadening top pattern-a harbinger of doom, if ever there was one. “The reversal began on November 11,” he proclaims, his voice dripping with the gravitas of a prophet. Lower highs, fading momentum-the signs are clear, though the masses remain blind to their fate. 🧙♂️

At press time, XRP languishes at $2.13, down 1.1% in the past 24 hours, a mere shadow of its former self, having shed 14% in the last week and 12% over the past month. Its July 18 all-time high of $3.65 remains a distant memory, a summer fling now faded into autumnal regret. 🍂💔

This breakout marks a turning point for the Layer-2 protocol, driven by increased staking demand and renewed interest in Zcash’s privacy innovations. However, pending token unlocks may test whether accumulation momentum withstands potential sell pressure. 🕵️‍♂️

Right. So, Bitwise, those lovely people who apparently manage cryptocurrency index funds (a concept that still feels fundamentally improbable), have declared that XRP – yes, that XRP – will be allowed to wobble around on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) tomorrow. Thursday, to be precise. Which, if you think about it, is quite a thing. Like letting a particularly enthusiastic ferret manage a small country.

Hey, guess who stumbled into the Ethereum party with a legal notebook and a Delaware LLC? That’s right, BlackRock. Think of it as a staked Ethereum ETF but with way more capital than your college fund. 💸