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According to those tireless detectives of the blockchain-who seem to be quite bored with mere peas and bread-John’s bragging led to an unanticipated unveiling. His publicly displayed riches were but a shadow, a mere façade, covering over suspected loot exceeding ninety million dollars. A sum that would make even the most cynical bureaucrat from the U.S. government raise an eyebrow-or perhaps both.

This resistance is basically your ex who won’t stop texting but also won’t commit. It’s going to stick around for weeks, maybe even into the first quarter. You tried to flirt with it recently, but let’s be honest-you failed spectacularly. Buyers? More like bystanders. No one’s buying this hot mess.

Ah, but the bloodshed has not ceased. It merely becomes a slow, agonizing drip, drip-like the last drops of vodka in the winter’s night. After two days of frantic withdrawals, the crypto ETFs take a breath, yet the torment persists. Investors, those unfortunate wretches, continue their macabre ritual of trimming their holdings-so much so that the net flow tells the story of a narrow, but persistent, risk-off attitude. A $32.11 million outflow from Bitcoin, led by the grandiose Blacksrock’s IBIT and Fidelity’s FBTC, whispers that hope is a fading illusion. Trading activity, the frantic heartbeat of this collapse, slows to $3.35 billion, and assets dwindle, like hope in a Dostoevskian novel, down to $115.99 billion.

The BlackRock IBIT fund saw $101.62 million withdrawn, while the Fidelity FBTC fund experienced $1.95 million in redemptions.

Todd MacDonald, R3’s co-founder, said they basically speed-dated all the layer ones and layer twos. “We talked to everyone,” he told CoinDesk, probably while sipping a latte. This blockchain beauty pageant ended with Solana stealing the crown, and R3 announcing their partnership last May at the Accelerate conference. Because nothing says “commitment” like a public declaration at a blockchain event.

And hold onto your hats, because volume? That jumped 430% to $106 million. It’s like everyone suddenly remembered they have crypto wallets and forgot how to resist the urge to buy. The market cap? Also, just casually, crossed the half-billion mark. No big deal.

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Day argued that no crypto legislation is needed. For 16 years, the crypto community has tilled its own fields, unshackled by the heavy hand of Congress. The real fight, he said, is not crypto versus banks. It is large exchanges like Coinbase, those gilded colossi, lobbying for rules that strangle the little guy.

News of this rather high-handed decree was disseminated, naturally, via that modern oracle, X (formerly known as Twitter – how terribly common!). A Mr. MartyParty, a name that suggests a devotion to frivolity, informs us that exchanges are to immediately cease and desist from any interaction with these ‘problematic’ coins. One can only imagine the polite, yet firm, tone of the directive.

This brings a sort of closure, you might say, to one of those cases that seemed destined to linger on longer than a particularly stubborn hangover in the wake of the great crypto yield product implosion of 2022. One wonders if anyone involved still remembers what ‘yield’ actually meant.