qfx Operation Chokepoint 2.0 went out like yesterday’s meatloaf, but did you think the banks would just roll over? Please. They whipped up Chokepoint 3.0—now with extra hidden charges for every little move—like buying a cup of coffee and being charged for the cup, the sleeve, and the existential dread.
He fires off this beauty while everyone’s talking about revamping Twitter or whatever. Instead of, I dunno, talking about actual crypto stuff, he decides to drop this gem. Because nothing screams leadership like a hot take on communities. Or maybe he just doesn’t like people. Who can say? 🤷♂️
According to the latest trading disclosures (which probably took longer to read than the trades themselves), Ark Invest scooped up 94,678 shares of Coinbase (COIN)—worth about $29.8 million—across three of its funds. These include the ARK Innovation ETF (ARKK), ARK Next Generation Internet ETF (ARKW), and ARK Fintech Innovation ETF (ARKF). Talk about diversification!
Pump.fun [PUMP] started rising like a bird on a spring morning after falling 67% from its all-time high—bless its little memecoin heart. It’s got itself a clean breakout and some whale-sized interest, so maybe this old dog still has a few tricks up its sleeve.
It all kicked off with the kind of move everyone hopes they’ll never face—an insidious SIM swap attack that let this young prodigy sideline a crypto investor’s phone number, giving him unfettered access to a treasure trove of digital gold: 1,547 BTC and 60,000 Bitcoin Cash, valued at a cool $37 million—on a good day. Apparently, using two-factor authentication is just optional in some circles. Then he went full master criminal, laundering the loot through a ridiculously complicated maze of transactions designed to make even the most seasoned detective’s head spin.
During their latest earnings calls, the execs from these behemoths, which handle a staggering $13.2 trillion and $8 trillion alike—probably enough to buy a small island or at least a yacht—basically said, “Bring on the stablecoins. We’re not just watching from the sidelines, we’re jumping in!”
CB Insights, the beacon of business analytics, has bestowed upon Ripple a valuation of $15 billion, a sum so vast it could buy every coffee in Sweden for a year. ☕
Ethereum briefly dipped below $3,450 on August 3, 2025, marking a 5.04% daily decline. The pullback mirrors a wider market correction affecting top digital assets, including Bitcoin. As of the latest data from the Ethereum Liquid Index (ELX) by Brave New Coin, ETH is trading just above $3,400, holding on to a pivotal support level that previously triggered a 10% drop in July. 🚪📉
Programmable blockchain Ethereum’s native token, ether, has dropped nearly 10% this week, hitting lows under $3,400 at one point, CoinDesk data show. The decline follows a robust five-week winning streak, signaling profit-taking or de-leveraging alongside losses on Wall Street. Because nothing says “profit-taking” like watching your portfolio melt like ice cream in a sauna. 🍦🔥
And lo, not only hath their coffers grown fat—from meager beginnings to a grand $989 million in net revenue—but their very souls seem to swell with pride. They gaze upon the markets with the hunger of wolves, seeing not stocks and bonds but sacred tokens, gleaming with promise. “Tokenization,” cries Vlad Tenev, their bearded visionary, like some oracle repeating his prophecy eleven times over (lest we forget).