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Apparently, former House Speaker and current California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi’s stock portfolio didn’t just outperform—it *sprinted* past every major hedge fund in 2024. Not only that, it allegedly doubled the returns of Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway, leaving the Oracle of Omaha looking like a novice with a piggy bank. Leavitt, with the confidence of someone who’s clearly never tried to time the market, told reporters this with a flourish, as if announcing the winner of a particularly absurd wizarding duel.

As Bitcoin takes another nosedive, Darkfost, a self-proclaimed market expert (take that with a grain of salt 🧂), has noticed something peculiar. Short-term BTC holders are selling like there’s no tomorrow. It’s like they’ve got a fire under their feet, and the only way out is to offload their precious coins—at a loss, no less!

This audacious move involves a new offering via big players—Morgan Stanley, Barclays, TD Securities—because apparently, what’s a little more money amongst friends? The shares, which are part of some gloriously convoluted series of stock titles (Variable Rate Series A Perpetual Stretch Preferred Stock), are listed on Nasdaq and are trading around the modest sum of $94.50. The precise timing? As elusive as the fountain of youth.

Ah yes, the NEAR Intents protocol—because why settle for one blockchain when you can juggle five like an overenthusiastic circus performer? This glittering framework proposes to liberate poor, shackled ADA from its Cardano dungeons and fling it into the vast sea of cross-chain swaps. No middlemen, no pesky bankers—just pure, unfiltered decentralization, kind of like a potluck dinner, only with more code and fewer casseroles.

Instead of earning tokens outright, these naive adventurers amass invisible tokens—more fleeting than your last paycheck—hoping they might someday unlock airdrops, early access, or some vague future token launch that’s as real as the spoon-fed promises of a con artist. It’s loyalty mixed with pure speculation, a new kind of gold rush for those early enough to stumble into it. And oh, how they scramble! 💸🤡

But why, you ask, has this sudden spike occurred? Well, my friends, as investor interest climbs higher than a cat on a sunny day, on-chain data whispers sweet nothings about a potential continuation of PENGU’s upward momentum. 📈

Yesterday, however, was no ordinary day. No, not at all! The White House, ever so formal and occasionally distant from the digital world, decided to sprinkle some recognition on Ondo Finance. Yes, through the President’s Working Group on Digital Asset Markets, Ondo was officially applauded in a new report. A report that posits tokenized securities, stablecoins, and programmable settlements as the pillars that will hold up the future of the global financial system—and look who’s leading the charge? None other than our dear Ondo! 🎉

Basically, this means people can hurl their digital coins around on all these networks or, for those who like a good old-fashioned flex, convert those balances to regular “boring” money. Visa says it’s “making crypto easier,” which is code for “We’d also like a piece of this outrageously complicated pie, please.” 🍰

Ah, Tether, the proud parent of USDt (USDT), that stablecoin which clings to the US dollar like a toddler to a parent in a crowded mall. Backed by US Treasurys and cash equivalents, it reigns supreme, holding a whopping 61.7% of the stablecoin market, with a market cap that could make even Scrooge McDuck raise an eyebrow—$164.5 billion, to be precise.

Our buddy Eric Balchunas over at Bloomberg is calling it “a plumbing fix.” I mean, wow, how glamorous! 🥳 It won’t really change how your average Joe interacts with these fancy crypto exchange-traded funds. He’s basically saying, “Hey, retail investors, you’re still not getting your grubby hands on actual bitcoins with this move, but look! The SEC is finally treating crypto like a grown-up asset class!” Yay? 🎉