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Ah, yet another day, another hefty Bitcoin purchase for Strategy. A mere $18.8 million has been committed to snagging 168 BTC. Truly, one can only admire the dedication to this ever-so-stable market-particularly in the face of “slight” fluctuations. But, dear reader, the company’s position remains as solid as ever as the largest corporate holder of this digital asset.

But the short-term traders? They’re sweating bullets, praying Bitcoin hits $113K so they can stop hyperventilating. Talk about a nerve-wracking spa day. 🧘♂️💦

Within just three days, DeepSeek Chat V3.1 grew its portfolio by over 35%, outperforming both Bitcoin and every other AI trader in the field. One might say it’s the Jeeves of crypto trading-always spot-on, never a hint of a blunder. 🤖💸

The crypto world had a lovely weekend fling, but then it stalled faster than a soggy soufflé on Monday. Investors are still clutching their pearls, fearing further falls. It’s almost like they’ve seen this play before…

Seems like the good ol’ boys in Washington are gettin’ the bit in their teeth about regulatin’ cryptocurrencies, pushin’ the boundaries of policy like a hog at the trough. Now, this here roundtable’s fixin’ to convene the top brass from crypto land and them pro-crypto Senate Democrats to jaw about market structure bills and the whole regulatory circus, accordn’ to that sharp-eyed Eleanor Terrett from Crypto America, who spilled the beans on that there social media gizmo X back on Oct. 19. 🤠

Well, it’s another sign that doom and gloom are knocking at the door-ETH has tumbled below $3,900, and apparently, the whales are betting on a further plunge. Isn’t it charming when the big fish make their bets-and threaten to drag us all down with them? 💸

A Technical Ballet 🎭

According to the esteemed oracle of doom, Darkfost, Bitcoin may now be entering a “phase of disbelief,” a term that sounds like the latest fad in existential therapy. This, dear reader, is the moment when investors, having been scorched by recent volatility, regard any hint of recovery with the trust one might afford a bridge in a thunderstorm. The derivatives market, that chaotic bazaar of wagers, reflects this turmoil through funding rates that have turned as sour as a forgotten fruitcake. On Binance, that paragon of trading virtue, negative funding rates have persisted for six days running, a testament to the market’s preference for shorting over longs, as if betting against the sun rising.

Just two days after hitting a 1,157 EH/s high, Bitcoin’s hashrate said, “Hold my beer!” and casually added another 7 EH/s to hit 1,164 EH/s. That’s like adding a million more supercomputers to the party! 🎉🤖